I will be the first to admit that I am not the best cook in the world.  I probably could be if I set my mind to it, but all I would do is eat all  the good food and then blow up.  So I really try not enjoy eating too much.  At  least that is the excuse that I use when the food goes bad.

I believe  this started when my children were small.  There was a great need for speed when it came to fixing meals.  I had 4 children under five years and when they were all screaming they were hungry, taking time to fix a meal was not an option.  So I had to learn how to prepare a meal very quickly.  This had its downside.  Like burning things a lot or undercooking things a lot.

I also learned that talking on the phone while preparing a meal was not a very good idea.  I remember while preparing breakfast once , I was talking to a dear friend that I hadn’t spoken to for a while.  When it came time to eat, the family started digging in and I started hearing complaints at how bad the pancakes tasted.  I told people to quit complaining and just eat it.  Well, when my husband finally spoke up I decided to see for myself.  That is because he rarely complained.  He didn’t dare.  First bite told me that I  had done something wrong.  I realized that I had put baking soda in instead of baking powder.  This was nasty.  Very nasty.  We trashed that breakfast and started over.

Then there was the time that I had baked a delicious cake for my daughter’s birthday.  We decorated  it with a Scooby Doo theme and was about to start singing happy birthday when all of a sudden and large boom and an explosion followed.  I had the cake sitting on my stove top which was gas.  Someone….we still aren’t sure who did it….accidentally  turned on the  burner and the glass dish over heated and blew up.  Glass went everywhere.  We all stood with our mouths open for what seemed like an hour and then the whaling began.  My daughter’s birthday was ruined.  We laugh about this now, but we are lucky no one was impaled with the shards of glass.  We were finding pieces all over the kitchen and family room for weeks afterwards.

Then there was the Sunday afternoon where I put  the meal in the oven before church and set the timer for the stove to turn on.  I was so proud of myself because I would not have to prepare a meal when I got home.  It would be there waiting  for us.  It was chicken.  At least that  is what it started out as.  Well I forgot I had a meeting after church and when I had arrived home, the chicken resembled something out of a horror film.  It was not edible.  No matter how hard we tried to eat it…..just wasn’t going to happen.

Well this morning in a rush to get kids out the door, I decided to have cold cereal.  How could this possibly go bad right?  Well as I sat there eating my cereal, I realized it had a funny “metal” taste to it.  I asked the kids if their cereal tasted  funny.  They all accused it on my skim milk.  They hate skim milk and think it is nothing more than glorified water.  I love skim milk and had gotten  used to all  the smart remarks.  Well I took one more bite and decided that something was not right.  Well I thought I should check the milk.  I smelled it and it didn’t really smell weird.  That is when I made a very bad decision.  I picked up the jug and decided to taste it.  I don’t normally do this, but there was only a little left in the gallon.

The very minute that milk hit my tongue, I was spewing it all over the breakfast table.  I ran to the garbage dry heaving and spitting.  All the while my children laughing their heads off at my apparent disgust.  I could not stop gagging.  I drank water, I drank juice, I brushed my tongue and still could not remove the taste out of my mouth.  I thought to myself, “I could be dying from food poison and my children are laughing their heads off”.  What an example I have been to them.

I think I will be tasting that disgusting, abhorrent taste all day long.  Just thinking about it starts the gag reflux up all over again.  I think I might actually be sick.