Go figure it was a guy that invented pantyhose.  Have you ever wondered what he was thinking that made him take that course in his life?  Was his wife’s legs so white that he could use them for a beacon at night?  Or did he honestly think he was doing women a favor be inventing them?

Supposedly they were initially invented to keep women from  having to wear many layers to keep their figure looking however the world figured it should look.  I will admit that in the past I have been an abuser of the everyday pantyhose.  Since turning 40, I have decided that I don’t care anymore.  Comfort is the key. 

My husband, bless his heart, decided  to help me  with the laundry one day and washed my nylons unbeknownst to me.  I put them on one Sunday to go to church. I was teaching a lesson that day and as I reached up to write on the chalkboard, the pantyhose came down.  They had been stretched out terribly in the wash.  I spent the rest of the lesson holding them up.  That was the day that changed my attitude toward nylons in general.

For decades women have done things they wouldn’t normally do all in the name of beauty. 

My mother told a story of a relative, I won’t name, who when was younger felt that her hips were not a desirable shape.  So to fix this problem, she took two pairs of her father’s socks and stuck them in her pants to make her hips look more shapely.  She  then proceeded to go dancing.  Well I think we know where this is going.  She did lose her “hips” while on the dance floor. 

Another story told was of another relative  who went out to eat with her husband and friends.  Dancing was involved and she was having problems with her slip.  While sitting at the dinner table, she wiggled out of the slip and kicked it under the table so it wouldn’t be seen.  Her husband eventually ended up seeing it and spent the rest of the evening reprimanding the “hussy” who had taken off their petticoat and left it on the restaurant floor.  This person never did admit to her husband that she was indeed that “hussy”.

I had a similar experience  last night.  Despite my hate for nylons at this time in my life.  I decided to wear some to a meeting.  Normally I would  have chosen to skip  them, but I have a huge bruise that is very visible that I was trying to hide.  By the time I got from the car and sat down at the meeting, I knew I was in trouble.  The waistband of the nylons were sitting at the top of my thighs.  If I were to stand to go to the restroom, they would have  dropped to the knees being visible to all.  I turned to my husband for support.  (pardon the pun)  He covered me while I slipped out of the nylons as indiscriminately as  possible.  I succeeded without being seen.  I think.  I was half tempted to prank my husband and stick them in the back of his pants as we left the meeting for paybacks for washing a pair of mine. You know how people  come out of the bathroom with toilet tissue on the shoes  sometimes.  I thought a leg of pantyhose  hanging out of his pants would be funny.  I did not do that despite the urge.  I patted myself on the back for that one.

Many a woman have lost all respect from wardrobe malfunctions.  Ladies, why do we do this to ourselves?  Until they make fail proof beauty aids, I am no longer buying into them.  I will stick to the safe basics to keep my self dignity thank you very much.

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