Have you ever been sitting at home one day, happen to look out the window and think to yourself…”I am going to see someone die today”?  Well I did Saturday.

There are safety stickers and warnings on some objects for a reason.  With this said……

I was on the phone talking to my sister and looked out the window to see someone doing one of the stupidest stunts I have yet to beat.  With all of the dumb things I have done in my life, I do not believe any of them have come as close as this guy did to death.  Well maybe one…take that back there were two.

We have trees that line our property that are about 200 feet high or so.  Well, my neighbor was trying to get a dead branch out of the tree.  He put up a ladder and braced it up against the branch.  This was not just any ladder, this ladder would have made firemen shudder at the thought of climbing.  It was extended waaayy past the safety sticker.

It went so high that I thought I had been sucked into the fairytale Jack and the Beanstalk because I could not see the top of the ladder because it disappeared into the tree.  We had begun to wonder if he had welded three ladders together.  He then proceeded to push up against the ladder to see if it was stable to stand on.  All of us from our view began saying, “No, don’t do it”.  The ladder would bend in the middle every time he pushed it.

After a small amount of deliberation, he decided to put it up against his house and climb up on the roof.  Which in my opinion was only one notch above the stunt he just had pulled.  He finally got the branch down and sat on the ladder to slide down of it like a slide.  I was just waiting for the safety to give way and the ladder collapsing thus thrusting him 75 feet  into the lap of his unsuspecting wife  who had been coordinating the stunt and urging him on the whole time.

I began wondering if there was anything I had ever done where someone just stood with their mouth open and their brain thinking, “What the…..what is that woman thinking?”

Unfortunately I did not have to think long before an incident came to mind where I felt those eyes of wonderment on me.  My husband and I had four kids in the span of 5 years.  Honestly, I wonder how I have made it this far without a padded cell.  When I would go to town, it was a nightmare.  I hated going to town.  Most of the time, I had to take all four of them.  Can you imagine having that many toddlers in a store?  AAAAHHHHH!  I start getting shallow breathing just remembering it.

This particular day I was doing some shopping at Wal-mart.  As usual, I had lost one kid in the store and had two others crying by the time we got back to the vehicle.  I was exhausted and trying to get everyone buckled in and the purchases loaded.  I looked ahead and realized that I could just pull straight through the parking spot without having to back up.  I don’t know why, but I was excited at this prospect.  I uncharacteristically left the cart behind the car.  I was too tired to push it to the stall and I didn’t think again because I was pulling out forward.

When I got everyone loaded, I jumped in and started the car throwing the car into drive to follow the plan of pulling straight through……No..for some stupid reason, which I still haven’t figured out to this day, I threw the truck into reverse and backed up at a fair speed.  I heard a really bad noise and wondered what it was.  Then it all came back to me.  I hurried and jumped out the truck and ran to the back to see the shopping cart stuck to the hitch and partway under the truck.  Of course there were about 10 people in the parking lot, all of them reading the blinking “Look at stupid” sign that was flashing above my head.

I wiggled and wiggled the cart trying to pry it loose.  No luck.  I then put both feet up on the bumper and pulled back on the cart as hard as I could.  I still could not free it from the jaws of death.  I was extremely flustered at this point and refused to ask anyone to help me because I felt like a complete idiot.  I hurried and jumped back into the truck to think.  I decided I would just follow my first plan and drive straight through with one slight change….I would gas it and swerve back and forth to dislodge the cart.  O.K.  I lied all I wanted to do was get out of there ASAP and hoped that in my attempt to flee the scene of the crime that I would break free from the bonds of the cart.

Luckily for me it worked and lucky for me that my children weren’t teens at the time.  They would have disowned me for sure.  Of course, I had some “splainin'” to do when I got home and realized I had a huge dent in the back of the car.  Those of you that are married, know that this type of situation causes a dilemma.  I could plainly see my husband’s face when I told him what really happened.  I wrestled with myself for hours on how to handle it.  I formed a plan.

I made him his favorite meal and then broke it to him gently.  The full stomach buffered some frustration so I didn’t get what I could have got.  He ate, got up and quietly walked outside to view the damage.  To me this wasn’t nearly as bad as a few months down the road when I jack-knifed the utility trailer and put a HUGE dent in the side of the vehicle which required auto body work.  Ouch….

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