Years ago we put a nice fence around the back yard.  I won’t go into the main reason, but a nice side effect has been….no dog poo in the front yard.  We actually had a place we could go without worrying about stepping in poop.  At least I thought so.

Today I was out trying to get my yard all ready for the winter.  I was guiding my son on how to trim one of my trees when I caught a whiff of “death”.  It made my eyes water it smelled so bad.  I looked down and just inches from my foot was a pile of poo that would make an elephant’s pile pale in comparison.

I stood with my mouth hanging open because quite honestly..I have NEVER seen a pile of dog poo that big.  The smell was a dead giveaway for what kind of animal left it.  As I sent my son after a shovel to dispose of it amid complaints, I came across a few more piles of it.  This is unacceptable.

We are surrounded by five acres of open field and a dog decides to take a dump in my front yard.  Before our fence was up, our well-mannered dog would go clear out into the field to do her duty.  I appreciated that.  That was enough to make her worth the money we paid for her.  I would have died if I would  have ever found her at the neighbors leaving her calling card in their yard.   A couple of hours after cleaning it up, we kept having “phantom scents”.  My son kept swearing he could smell it.  We were checking everyone’s shoes, but no doo in site.  We will be haunted by this smell for days to come.

I am 99% sure of what dog did it and where it lives.  Since lighting fire to a bag of poo and flinging at something would be considered illegal, that option is off the table for “returning” the favor.  I decided that I need to make a catapult with a scope that I could actually aim with to achieve 90% accuracy or higher.  I wanted to call it the “Crapapult”, but someone has already thought of that idea.

Perhaps I could call it the “Dung Flunger” .  I don’t know, but I do know this, when I catch this dog doing it’s thing again in my yard I will return the gift back where it came from.  I don’t know how, when or where but it will happen.  I am going to collect it in a bag over the course of a few weeks and then when it gets nice and ripe and the bag is full, it is going “home”.  I know I don’t sound like a patient person and I know that it is hard to train dogs to do their jobs where they should.  Multiple repeat offenses have led me to the edge of the tether so to speak.

Wow…wait…did I just say all of that out loud?  Oooops:)