Category: Nature Calls


Facing Your Fears

This past week, I was privileged to travel with a group of about 30 youth and a few adults to Jackson Hole Wyoming for a youth conference.

In my mind I tell myself that I am an adventurous soul, but then some situations I get in I truly ask myself, “What were you thinking?”

Our first day we embarked on a river raft trip down the Snake River. I was all stoke for this until we actually got to the river. All of a sudden, I remembered the time I almost drown as a kid and I started getting really nervous. Not to mention that the entire boat contained young girls between the ages of 12 and 18. Then there were four women and on guide. In my mind I kept thinking, “Shouldn’t we have at least one more guide so if I fall in someone can help me back in, while the other guides the boat?” No, no more guides just Alex.

As we started off down the calmer part of the river, Alex was good as relieving our fears and told us he hadn’t lost anyone yet. This particular sentence wasn’t very comforting because I had a doctor tell me he had never had any problems with a certain surgery and guess what…I was his first problem and nearly died. So I kept thinking to myself, I will be the first of Alex’s “losses”.

I realized that as we conquered each wave, how I relaxed more and actually started enjoying it even though the water was only 48 degrees and I had lost all feeling in my right foot.

I came on this trip with three of my children, one daughter and two sons. I knew two of my children were the adventurous type, but my one son really surprised me. You could get a bracelet for jumping into the river at a certain point. He actually jumped into the water. My daughter was the first on our boat, which was not surprising, to jump in and my other son… He had to do it three times. I am not sure I would have been that adventurous at their age.

At one point my “safe” son was actually “riding the bull” at the front of the boat through the waves. This really surprised me. After we got on the bus, my younger “crazier” son informed me that he had ridden the bull through the lunch counter. This almost gave me a heart attack. I guess he figured it was better to do it and then ask for permission later. This kid will be the death of me.

By the time we ended the trip I was really wanting more river to conquer as was most of the girls. The whole trip was designed to get us out of our comfort zone and try new things. I was definitely out of my comfort zone and would in fact do this again. It was very fun.

That night we drove in to Jackson to play night games at the high school. I actually found this to be more out of my comfort zone than almost anything else we did just because of what happened there.

I am an extremely jumpy and paranoid person. Because of experiences growing up, I am extremely cautious when put in some situations. A couple of weeks before coming on this trip, we had a retired police officer come and speak to the girls about being safe and how to avoid bad situations. It was very informative and added to my paranoid nature.

While we were playing night games, I started to get really thirsty. I noticed a building by the football field where we were playing. I decided that I would walk over and see if there was a drinking fountain. Now it was dark and the only light came from a couple of street lights and some flashlights the kids had.

When I got to the building and noticed it was restrooms, I decided I was use the facilities while there. As I approached a door to see which bathroom I was at, a voice came out of the dark asking me what we were doing. I nearly died. I couldn’t see anyone and could only tell in what direction the voice was coming from. I knew the voice was not attached to anyone I knew so I was extremely startled. I explained that we were playing capture the flag and the person asked a couple of more questions. At this point I had a few red flags going up in my head. I decided to leave the conversation and continue on to my destination…the lady’s room. When I got to the back side of the building, I started getting more and more nervous. I realized that I had just put myself in an extremely volatile situation. I was behind a building, in the dark and a stranger knew I was there and I was pretty sure that a few or anyone even knew the stranger was there.

I decided to go into the bathroom anyway because at this point I really had to go and couldn’t wait. When I entered the bathroom, the light automatically came on, which kind of scared me because I was already on edge. I got in the stall and did my duty and as I was getting ready to go out of the stall, the lights went off. I nearly had a heart attack. I kid you not, I thought I was about to get involved in a smack down and no one would a hear a thing that happened. I stood there with hand on handle listening and waiting to see if I could hear anything.

After a couple of minutes had passed, I knew I couldn’t stay in the stall all night and that I had to come out. I slowly opened the door and tried to look in the dark for any movement. Because the stall door next to me was opened, it blocked any dim view I had of the exit. I stood there for what seemed an eternity before I finally shoved the stall door next to me hoping that if someone was on the other side of it, I would knock them out on impact.

After the door stopped swinging, I listened for noise and didn’t hear anything, so I decided to head for the exit. I took about four steps when the light came on. I stood there with a deer in the headlight look thinking I was going to see the perp in front of me who had shut off the light, but there was no one. After my heart slowed to 300 bm I realized it was possible that the lights were automatic in some way. This did not remove the fear I was feeling. I stood with hand on the exit door handle for about five minutes trying to figure out what I should do. Do I slowly open the door and look side to side or do I just bust out like the flippin’ john was on fire. I came to the conclusion that if someone was out there, they would be surprised by my bolting out of there and thus giving me an upper hand.

It was probably about 5 minutes before I had the guts to bust out. I swung that door open and flew out of there like there was no tomorrow, not looking what was behind me.

I later found out that this guy ending up being obnoxious and thus ending the kids’ night of fun. Which confirmed my suspicions of the guy to begin with. I shook for quite a while afterwards.

The next day of our adventures took us to a ropes course at in the middle of nowhere in Idaho. Here we would be facing our fears on a rock wall and zip line. I was really stoked for this and thought it would be fun. When we arrived, I soon noticed how secluded it was and how some of the trails were hard to see.  Now we had been seeing bear warning signs along the road, so in the back of my mind there was a small thought of perhaps running into one. As we were walking along this trail to a hidden pavilion, all of a sudden I see a giant brown head. I nearly dropped dead right there until I realized it was a brown lab. I told myself what a stupid idiot I was to get so scared and the chances of seeing a bear would be slim to none.

Well that fear was intensified when the advisors of the course told us that a black bear had just come through there earlier that morning. Geez! Are you kidding me? Now to add to the anxiety of the zip line, I was freaked out over seeing a bear. My mother’s cousin was mauled by a bear in Alaska and the story was published in a book. I had been reading this book earlier this year and decided that I would never come within 100 yards of an Alder bush. This whole book was about grizzly bears coming out of Alder bushes.

When we finally got to the rock wall, I was nervous but I had done a rock wall a couple of times before so it wasn’t too bad. It was when I got to the top and realized that the only way down was the zip line. I don’t know how I had ever talked myself into this, but me and heights have never been bff’s and it wasn’t about to start this day either.

I stood there in almost a frozen fear of how high I was and how it was intended for me to get down. I shook as the advisor hooked me up to the zip line, thinking how stupid I was to agree to this. We were at least 30 feet in the air and one had to walk out on this plank that was no wider than 2 feet and perhaps 2 1/2 long. It looked like 4 inches square from where I was standing. I climbed out on the plank holding on to the telephone pole behind me like a stinkin’ cat. I stood there with everyone cheering me on and trying to get up the nerve to go. I just could not get myself to jump. I kept telling myself to do it and just get it over with, but I couldn’t. Then I looked below and there stood my two sons, yelling at me “You can do it Mom!”. I knew at this point, I had to jump. They had to see that their mother was not a wuss.

I truly believe I passed out on the jump because it was a blur and then I am pretty sure I woke up the entire community of Driggs from my scream. I screamed, and screamed and screamed. Was it fun? In a sick sort of way. Would I do it again? Not entirely sure. As we were leaving the course to go to the cars, it was getting dark and I realized I was on a trail that was surrounded by what looked like Alder bushes. I nearly plowed over those in front of me trying to get to the cars. If there was anything that scared me more than that dang zip line, it would be something coming out of those bushes and getting me. So did I face my fears? I felt like I was the entire trip. Do I think I handled them well? Perhaps some of them, others not so much so.

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Home remodeling is not for wusses.  During my growing up years, there is only a couple of houses that I recall not being involved in a remodeling job of some sort.  My mother had this innate ability to take something ugly and make it beautiful.  I remember one particular house that I went with them to look at.  I remember walking into this four walled container of fecal matter and telling my parents that I would not move into that house if they decided to buy it. It seriously looked like someone had urinated on the walls or something in the front room.  The toilet was so disgusting.  The house smelled horrible.

My parents bought the house because they got a great deal on it.  I moved in kicking and screaming.   The house did have to be cleaned up before we moved in which helped a little bit.  When my mother was done with it, it was beautiful home.

I will be the first to tell you that I hate remodeling.  Mostly because I hate things being in chaos and it would eventually lead to not having a bathroom in the middle of winter. Utah winters in the past were not kind. You would sometimes have to plow a walkway to the car through 3-4 feet of snow. This year it has been 3-4 inches.

When my grandmother passed away, the doctors did not want my grandfather living alone.  He was pretty feeble.  So my mother and father sold our home and we moved into my grandfather’s house.  It was a two bedroom, 1 bathroom home.  There were 5 of us.  My parents made do until we could remodel the home to have 3 more bedrooms and a bathroom. See, I told you all remodeling leads to being without plumbing at one point and time.

This remodel job started in the summer and went into the winter.  My grandfather had a greenhouse that he had made that was in his backyard about 200 feet away from the house.  When it came time to install the new toilet, shower and sink, the water had to be shut off to the bathroom.  My father built us a porta-potty of sorts in the greenhouse for privacy.  Unfortunately it was in the winter and we had a lot of snow.  I remember a few mornings making the trip out to the greenhouse dreading the frostbite I was getting braced to receive.  This makes you pretty tough.

I am about to “out” my mother on this and may she forgive me.  I did not understand her situation then like I do now that I have had four children.  The birth of children seriously damages anything related to the bladder and the lack of control thereof.  Did not understand this at that time.  I am a lot more sympathetic of her situation now.

One particular morning when our bathroom was still located in the great outdoors, she woke up and had to go out to the “greenhouse”.  She realized as she got up that she had to go pretty bad and wasn’t sure if she was going to make it.  She had a pretty steep flight of stairs to go down and realized when she got to the bottom that there was no way she was going to make it without having an “accident”.  So she made an executive decision to just step off to the side of the steps and go. She hit a patch of ice which caused her to go down along with her pants.  Even now, 25 years later, I still laugh at the picture this paints in my mind. I envision Bambi when he first stepped on ice.

Now thank goodness Google wasn’t around to do a drive by “shooting”.  I would hate to find her on a Google map search somewhere.  I could not stop laughing that entire day.  I had graduated from high school and was at home so I was stuck there painting all day.  When it would get quiet…you know the 7 minute lull….I would envision my poor mother in her predicament and start laughing.  She would just look at me and give me that “I know what you are thinking about look” and then proceed to tell me that she wishes she would  have never told me what happened.  Well today I almost had the same experience she did, only I kept my pants on and ice was not involved.

The first house my husband and I lived in had to be completely remodeled for it to be livable. I decided after the 10 years of that that I would never remodel again. I will paint, but I won’t tear the entire house apart. So for the last couple of months, I have been giving my walls a fresh coat of paint after 7 years.  Today I decided that my children’s bathroom needed a new look.  I have unfortunately been smacked with the short stump and am at a huge disadvantage at reaching ceilings, let a lone vaulted ceilings.  I have not to this day spent money on a step-ladder.  That is probably why I have nearly died a few times.

Today I had the can of paint on the bathroom sink and I was standing on the side of the tub trying to paint around the ceiling.  I had a chair in between me and the sink so I could just step around to make things easier.  I stepped on the chair with one foot to reach the paint can and for some reason the chair slid, thus causing me to do the splits.  I am sure even when I was a baby that I could not do the splits. I am not genetically built for them.  My sister tried forcing me once which, quite frankly, I was lucky I could still have children afterwards.  Anyway, as the chair slid I felt the muscles pulling in places that no woman wants muscles pulling.  My daughter and husband was on the other side of the house discussing bikes and handlebar tape.  I yelled for help, groaned for help, prayed for help.  No one came. I managed to grab on to something and get myself pulled back together. I had a flashback to when I was 24 months pregnant with my youngest son (not really, but it felt like 24 months), I went to kick a ball and missed.  Couldn’t walk for weeks from a pulled groin.

I do not think that I will be walking the same after today. There is something about pulling the groin muscle that just messing everything up.  I nearly crawled into the kitchen to where the beloved family with hearing problems were.  No comments like, “sorry, we didn’t hear you” or “are you OK”.  All I got was laughter.  It haunted my ears as I am sure it did my mothers years ago.  Why did I even tell them.  Everything you do as a teen comes back to haunt you as a parent.  At least I was within the privacy of four walls and my pants were stretchy.

I am not sure there is one woman on this planet who enjoys cleaning a toilet.  If there is I would like to meet them.  Yet, to have to clean something so disgusting is far better than not having one at all.  At least during the flu season.

When flu season arrives, toilets are our friends.  About 3 Christmas ago, we found out just how grateful we are for those porcelain pieces of furniture.

We had a family Christmas party at my sisters.   This is once when I can honestly say, those who weren’t there are the luckiest suckers on earth.

The family Christmas party was held just days before Christmas.  We have about 70 plus now in the extended family, but I believe at that time there were probably only 60 something and of those sixty I believe only 35 of us were there.  My husband and kids and I always have a Christmas Eve party.  I planned big, we had Chinese food and all kinds of goodies.  It was great fun until later that night one of my kids complained of not feeling well.

I hoped that it was just something passing so that their Christmas would not be ruined.  By the time we went to bed three children were sick.  We started dropping like flies people. Christmas morning welcomed the entire family having the flu.  The worst Christmas ever.  We barely managed to get packages opened between trips to the bathroom.

Most of us laid and moaned all day.  I began to wonder if some of my cooking had given us all food poisoning, until I started calling around and getting calls from the family.  What we realized is that within a five-day period 26 of the 35 people had the flu.  It nearly took out the entire family.  We then thought that perhaps we ate something at the party that gave us food poisoning.  We could not find a common denominator.  I do believe to this date nothing has made me sicker except for morning sickness.

When  every Christmas rolls around at least one child tells me that they never want to see Chinese food again.  It is not what made everyone sick, but everyone remembers what it is like revisiting that meal over and over again.  I have always been one that hardly ever throws up.  I remember the few times I have it has been with a migraine combined with motion sickness.  Other than that, morning sickness with my first child for 5 months was the only puking I have done.

Up until this Christmas day, I had not thrown up for 15 years.  I broke that record and made up for all those years in 6 days.  None of us could eat for about two weeks.  It was horrible.

I bring this up because I think there should be laws that only person can get the flu at a time in a family.  I don’t know who to talk to about this, but it is unfair for a mother to have to deal with.  I came to this conclusion last night while I was up most of the night with two sons suffering from the flu.  It is going on three days now and neither one of them has slept for the last two nights because of the attachment they have with “John”.

I breathe a sign of relief that we made it past Christmas before this hit, but now I await to see how many of us get it.  Unfortunately when Mom gets sick I still have to be mom.  No quitting for me.  I am keeping my distance and crossing my fingers.

So the next time you mumble under your breath while elbow deep into the toilet, remember what it would be like if you didn’t have one and what you would have to clean up.  Puts everything into perspective, I say.

Every year come November, usually around the first part of the month I start to feel all of the walls closing in on me.  You would think that after so many years I would be used to it, but I get stressed out to the max and feel pulling to cord to get off at a different stop.

Many things combine to make me start feeling this way.  First of all it turns off cold.  I hate the cold.  It is pretty sad when the only things you want for Christmas are things that will keep you warm like warm slippers, onsie PJ’s and an electric blanket.  I can’t use these things any other time of the year but winter.  It sucks!

I begin to start feeling like I am being pulled in directions I physically cannot go.  Because the pulling begins all at once and never in the same direction.

When I get to this point, I start doing real stupid things.  Not consciously, I just get scattered brained and start doing things that I normally don’t do.

Like yesterday…

A guy came into school a couple of days ago needing a website made.  There are three of us that will be working on it.  Two of us were at school yesterday and the proposal had to be put together.  I was the guinea pig because I was the only one that new Excel.  This was the first big thing I have had to do since being in school.  I was stress out because it had to be done yesterday.

After about 2 hours of putting it together, when I finally finished I realized that I had to go to the bathroom like yesterday.  I don’t know if I am the only one like that or other people are, but when I am so into something I forget what is going on around me.  I decided I should run up the hall and “relieve my waters” before getting on with some of my other work.  Because I had been so stressed out, I wasn’t thinking clearly and before you know it I found myself standing in the men’s bathroom.

I hadn’t even noticed the different colored floor until it was too late.  I can only imagine the look of horror on my face when I realized what I had done.  I turned and hauled my butt out of there faster than you can say, “Bob’s your uncle”.  I didn’t look behind me to see if I had been seen coming out of there like there was a fire.  I told myself…..”It’s starting” I won’t be myself again until January.

So I say to myself, “So long semi-sane until later.  I can only hope that glimpses of you will occasionally emerge to let me know you are still there waiting to come back to stay.”

My daughter showed me this video last night that I can relate with.  I am “Granny” at this time of year.

I know a lot of people have seen the website “The People of Wal-Mart”.  I have lived “The People of Wal-Mart”.  The things I have seen in this store……

I have wondered what it is that attracts people like that and what makes them think that they can wear what they wear in public.  There should be laws about this kind of stuff.

My children make me laugh all the time.  Somethings I probably shouldn’t laugh at.  I try hard not to, but sometimes the things they say just come from out of nowhere without any type of warning they are coming.  Take for instance one day we were at our local Wal-Mart and there was gal wearing a pair of sweats with “PINK” stamped across the butt.   All of a sudden my kids were laughing extremely loud and uncontrollably.  To this day no one will admit who it was that noticed this first, but this girl had a serious wedgy.  Unfortunately for her, the “N” in the word “PINK” was stuck in the wedgy thus creating the new word “PIK”.  At this point we had to quickly move to another area of the store before dying of laughter in front of the poor girl.  I wanted to help, but it was complicated.

Then there was the day that we were in the food department and some people were there with their dog.  If this dog was a “service” dog, it was not marked in any way.  It was a Labrador.  I happened to look out of the corner of my eye and noticed that the couple had stopped and the lady was walking back down to where they had previously been.  I know this because as in the story of Hansel and Gretel…their dog had left a trail of dog poop to find its way back to the meat department.  This was messed up on many levels and in fact, I could not make myself buy any food. I had to leave.  Just wrong…just wrong.

Another Wal-Mart moment was walking past the checkout and my son starts laughing.  I couldn’t hear him, but I could feel him bumping up against me.  I turned to see what the heck was going on and he pointed in the other direction….If there was a plumber’s crack olympics….hands down this guy would have taken the gold.  I ask myself…”Can they not feel the draft?”

I remember seeing a woman one day that baffles me still to this day.  I cannot for the life of me figure out how this woman got her hair to do what it was doing.  It was standing up straight like a buzz cut only the hair was longer than what a buzz would have been and the ends were grouped in small bunches and had a small curl on top.  It was the weirdest hair do I have ever seen.

One of the most disturbing things I have ever seen, that may have actually warranted a call to the “Perv” cops.  My son and I were shopping for some socks in the men’s department.  We happened over toward an area where there were belts, etc.  and there stood this guy wearing a pair of shorts, he had removed his shirt and was looking around suspiciously.  He actually looked like he had started removing his shorts.  I thought for sure that my son and I were going to get exposed to something that we didn’t want to see, so I turned grabbing my kid and headed the opposite direction as fast as I could.  This one still disturbs me to this day.

Then one day, I got run over by a lady who was driving one of those motorized carts.  It wouldn’t have been so bad except that she didn’t say sorry or anything. She was not looking at all where she was going.  Glad I didn’t go all the way down to the ground.  That would have been awkward.  Some people should have to take a course before getting into one of these.

Then there was the day that a kid perhaps 9 years old came ripping through the ladies department on one of those carts going as fast as he could while laughing and looking behind him.  Soon his sister appeared yelling at him that “Mom was going to kill him if he didn’t stop and return the cart.  That was a moment that I thought, “I am so glad that is not my son”.

All I can learn from all of these experiences is that I have spent waaayyy too much time at Wal-Mart.  I am near having to pay my children to go to that store with me.  They all hate it.  If you think that you are weird in any way, go to Wal-Mart you will soon find that you are not as weird as you might think or perhaps you are not alone in this vast world of odd ducks.

Have you ever had one of those weeks……?  This has been my “one of those weeks”.  So we have been planning for over a month now to go to our local amusement park.  This was going to be the “Big” outing for the summer.  The kids were so excited because we haven’t done anything “fun” for a while.  A week ago last Friday, my daughter comes in and tells me that she is not feeling well.  She has been under a lot of stress, so I thought perhaps that she would get better.  For the last few Sunday’s I have been playing the piano for her and three other kids to sing for different congregations for our church.  Sunday was to be the last Sunday.  I got up early and was getting ready when she came in and started talking to me.  All of a sudden she said, “I really don’t feel good”.  I looked over at her to literally see the color drain out of her face.  She ran to the bathroom immediately.

Panic started sitting in.  I had approximately 30 minutes to get to the church and now I was looking at having to play the piano and sing my daughter’s part at the same time which was alto and which I had never sang before.  She frantically called someone and to no avail, we had no other options.  Then miraculously, a girl called that she had been trying to get for a couple of weeks and said she could play the piano.  This was great, but we weren’t sure she would make it on time.

I “crammed for the exam” and hoped that I would not hit any wrong notes.  We got to the church and finally about 5 minutes after the meeting started, all parties involved in the song made it.  I was greatly relieved, although I was starting to have side effects from the stress of the morning which continued throughout the day.

My daughter was still sick come Tuesday.  At this point, I was wondering what was going on.  Wednesday morning, I saw my husband only as he was shutting the bathroom door.  He had been puking all night at work and was very sick.  I am beginning to wonder at this point if we were going to make it to the family outing.

One of my sons had been sick with a bad cold for a few days, he went ice skating Friday night and when I picked him up, he informed me that he had just puked.  This was yesterday.  Today was our family outing.  Well, to follow the vicious cycle of the flu, I started getting sick Friday night and was not well Saturday morning.  At this point, three of the six of us are sick.  We can’t refund the tickets and I didn’t want them to go to waste.  I told my two healthy children and my husband to go ahead and go. They reluctantly left the sick and the afflicted at home.  Everyone near tears because it just wasn’t the same.  The three of us laid around the TV moaning and groaning and then we get a call about two hours later.  When the other half of the family arrived at the amusement park, my son decided to free jump a small fence and missed.  Needless to say, he left his DNA all over the sidewalk and had to spend time in the first aid office for them to check to see if the nose was broke.  Which, it is still undetermined.  When the swelling goes down, perhaps then we will be able to tell.

As I sat there pondering how the week before our “summer getaway” had gone, I was nearly brought to tears.  We have had a few family outings like this.  I am wondering if it is a sign or something.  Perhaps planning ahead is not the best plan.  Some plans just go that way and we just have to find the silver lining in the bad. Right now that lining is looking very ugly.  Kind of like the toilet bowl that I have been spending so much time with lately.

I think I can safely say, that the bathrooms are the most hated AND loved rooms in the house.  This will be the plaque I hang on the wall, “Bring a cot, stay awhile”.  This week has to go better.

The Boy who Farted!

Just read an article about a 13 year old Ohio boy suspended from the bus for farting.  After I stopped laughing uncontrollably, I read on.  He is accused of being a “repeat offender” and that is why the action was taken against him.

Has society gotten to this really?  I am all for manners and not doing this sort of thing in public.  I also know that this is typical of the male species.  My mother-in-law used to tell my husband that he would have to marry someone extremely patient because of his “gas”.  I learned this lesson at a small intimate party that we had with some associates.  These weren’t people I could call really close friends at the time, so this was very embarassing.  We were all sitting on the floor talking when my husband let one lose and didn’t miss a second talking.  I am sure I went 20 shades of red and I had to keep repressing the thought of wanting to kill him after everyone left.  Instead I opted for a 20 minutes lecture on why that was embarassing and why he chose that particular time to do that.  Sometimes I think that farting is man’s last ditch effort at making one laugh after all else has failed.

My husband tells me, “I can’t keep it in, it will kill me”.  O.K. fine, but do you have to share your “life saving” experiences with everyone within 20 feet.  I think that women can contemplate this for many years and never find a solution to making men understand that it isn’t as funny as they think it is.

Then there was the time that some man left a memory of their life saving experience in the aisle of the grocery store.  I think I entered the realm of smell about 1 minute after his hasty exit.  Not funny!  It smelled so bad that I had to leave the aisle.  I also did not want to get blamed for that one since I was the only one there at that time.  That is worse than being the actual perpetrator.

I can think of so many more things that kids should be kicked off the bus for.  I won’t list them, but I do have a long list but as annoying as this may be it is a natural bodily function that has to happen.  How you handle that dictates your character for centuries to come.  I remember a kid at school that used to do this all the time.  He was nicknamed  “………  Everfart”.  I didn’t use his first name to protect his identity.  Everytime I see this guy, that is the name I think of. 

So if this boy wants to go down in the school bus annuals of being the dude that can fart at the drop of a dime, then I guess he will wear that stigma for the rest of his life; but I would have to say there are much worse things that a boy could do.  Much worse!

Have you ever been somewhere and saw something that made you stop dead in your tracks and say, “What?”?  You have seen something either so funny, so disturbing or otherwise that has completely caught you off guard.

Well that happened to me today.  We went to my sister’s house.  This town is boring.  Sorry sister, but it is boring.  I think they have one restaurant, one fast food joint, one gas station and one car repair shop. 

The restaurant is a little Mexican food restaurant and many times we have joked within our own family how that we would not want to use the restroom in a mexican food restaurant.  I am sure you could guess that reasoning behind this.  I wouldn’t even want to be seated anywhere near the restrooms.

Today while passing this little restaurant, I saw a truck parked in the parking lot that was painted bright yellow.  The color is what caught my attention.  Then I read the writing on the truck.  It was a septic tank pumping truck and the business was called “The Stool Bus”. 

We almost went off the road we were laughing so hard.  Then I asked my kids, what would possess someone to name their business something like that.  Of course, I am from New Mexico the business is out of New Mexico and so my children told me that that explained a lot.

I guess some might call this “creative advertising”.  I guess so, that truck will ever be branded into my mind.  I will be laughing about that for days to come.  Pretty sure I won’t forget that name of that business for awhile.  Give the ad man a raise!

SCARRED!

I want to know if I am the only person on the planet who thinks the following incident is wrong on as many levels that it can be.

I was at our local Walmart grabbing some cheese.  I happened to notice a couple just up from me across from the meat.  They caught my attention because they had a lab with them.  I looked to see if it was a seeing eye dog in training or a companion dog.  The dog had no vest or anything on indicating it was anything but someone’s pet.  This plays a huge part in what I am about to tell you because in my mind I would be more understanding if it was one of these dogs.

When I turned and looked this dog had taken a dump in the middle of the food aisle.  I thought I might heave right there.  Then I noticed the the woman had grabbed a bag from the produce department and was picking it up with her hands.  A “second heaving” started.  I was thinking the whole time, “Where is she going to put that?  In her purse?”  I immediately exited the food department and told management. 

 “Clean up on aisle 5!”

I have not been able to get myself to go into the food department since.  YuCk!