Tag Archive: Farting


Raised the Bar on Stupidness Levels

My kingdom of dorkdumb just increased by 100 acres as of two days ago.   I have a problem with getting in “the zone” and nothing around me is visible or audible.  I don’t know if it is age or what, but it is seemingly getting far worse than I would think of someone in their forties.

I thought it couldn’t get any worse than what it did a few days ago when I put the plastic wrap in the fridge and the cheese in the pantry.  When one  does something like this, you might think…”They are so in love they can’t see straight.”  Well that is true but after 21 years of marriage you would think that the vision had gone somewhat back to normal.  Nay, nay.  I wished I could blame love for it, but I am afraid it more Alzheimer’s than anything else.

At school, Grooveshark has become my addiction.  When I am working on designs I crank the tunes because it helps me think.  It gets the creative juices flowing.  Right now I am listening to Jamie Cullum’s version of “Don’t Start the Music”.  Smooth jazz is great!  Anyway I just started learning Illustrator and I had Lynyrd Skynyrd cranked to the max. 

Unbeknown to “dorkdom”, I had accidentally pulled my earplugs out of the jack and the entire class was rockin’ whether they liked it or not with Sweet Home Alabama.

Now, I have not asked it if was O.K. if I listened to music while at school.  I have the mentality that I do it and then apologize later and claim ignorance if it isn’t permitted.  Needless to say I felt all eyes boring through the back of head.  I really wanted to try to blame the person next to me, but unfortunately no one was sitting by me. It was clear where it was coming from.

There was no one way to put the plug back in without being seen.  I would have really liked to have a camera on the PC to see the look on my face when I realized that the music was coming from me.  Would have definitely been Master Charge worthy.

Had I been the guy that sits a few computers down from me that happened to be listening to a training video and farted extremely loud, I wouldn’t have been embarassed because I wouldn’t have heard myself.  I don’t think he even realized it was audible.  I heard it and I had my earphones in.   He just kept working like nothing happened at all.  No eyes boring through his head why???  Because I am the only woman in the room that is why!  Men don’t care.  I really hope he saw  the “crater” he left in the chair when he left and wondered to himself how that happened?

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The Boy who Farted!

Just read an article about a 13 year old Ohio boy suspended from the bus for farting.  After I stopped laughing uncontrollably, I read on.  He is accused of being a “repeat offender” and that is why the action was taken against him.

Has society gotten to this really?  I am all for manners and not doing this sort of thing in public.  I also know that this is typical of the male species.  My mother-in-law used to tell my husband that he would have to marry someone extremely patient because of his “gas”.  I learned this lesson at a small intimate party that we had with some associates.  These weren’t people I could call really close friends at the time, so this was very embarassing.  We were all sitting on the floor talking when my husband let one lose and didn’t miss a second talking.  I am sure I went 20 shades of red and I had to keep repressing the thought of wanting to kill him after everyone left.  Instead I opted for a 20 minutes lecture on why that was embarassing and why he chose that particular time to do that.  Sometimes I think that farting is man’s last ditch effort at making one laugh after all else has failed.

My husband tells me, “I can’t keep it in, it will kill me”.  O.K. fine, but do you have to share your “life saving” experiences with everyone within 20 feet.  I think that women can contemplate this for many years and never find a solution to making men understand that it isn’t as funny as they think it is.

Then there was the time that some man left a memory of their life saving experience in the aisle of the grocery store.  I think I entered the realm of smell about 1 minute after his hasty exit.  Not funny!  It smelled so bad that I had to leave the aisle.  I also did not want to get blamed for that one since I was the only one there at that time.  That is worse than being the actual perpetrator.

I can think of so many more things that kids should be kicked off the bus for.  I won’t list them, but I do have a long list but as annoying as this may be it is a natural bodily function that has to happen.  How you handle that dictates your character for centuries to come.  I remember a kid at school that used to do this all the time.  He was nicknamed  “………  Everfart”.  I didn’t use his first name to protect his identity.  Everytime I see this guy, that is the name I think of. 

So if this boy wants to go down in the school bus annuals of being the dude that can fart at the drop of a dime, then I guess he will wear that stigma for the rest of his life; but I would have to say there are much worse things that a boy could do.  Much worse!