Tag Archive: food

Doggie Buffet!

Every neighborhood has one right?…The dog that won’t stay out of everyone’s garbage?  We happen to be so lucky as to have two.  The other day I happened to look out the front window and saw one of the critters actually inside of my garbage can.  A few years back, the county I live in went to what we call the “Black Beauties”.  Everyone has these huge plastic garbage cans with wheels.  Anyway I am not sure if the dog tipped the can over or if the garbage truck did when it put it down, but all I could see was the dog’s butt.  That was a new strategy, I have to admit.

Our nightmare happened on Monday, January 2.  We thought the garbage people had the day off to celebrate the New Year. No, they showed up and  half the street didn’t have their cans up to the road.  This was right after Christmas and everyone  had extra garbage.  So we had to take to inconspicuously stacking it by the side door until the next week’s pickup.  Unfortunately “Sherlock and Watson” found the garbage yesterday.  I wasn’t sure at first it was the dogs until later.

When leaving for school, I saw a box where it shouldn’t have been.  I came home, picked up the box and stuck it in the garbage.  Later that afternoon I left to run my son up the street and saw a somewhat nicely laid out buffet on my front lawn.  Salsa, oranges and chocolate milk.  As we were pulling out of the driveway and seeing various pieces of garbage scattered up the driveway, I was mumbling and threatening the culprits.  As we got to the top of the drive, I saw “Sherlock” making her way down the road.  My son had made the comment that the two of them were “working” the street.  One on one side and one on the other, although we only saw “Sherlock”.  I watched her as I pulled out of the driveway and sure enough she returned to the scene of the crime.  I floored it to get back home before more garbage was strewn up the driveway.

When we returned “Watson” had showed up, thus verifying the “working the streets” theory.  When she saw us, she hauled butt out of there.  

One time “Sherlock” left a cow head on our lawn.  Yes..you heard me right a cow head.  My husband threw it in the trash.  Do you know how many times I was startled by that head when I opened that can?

I would like to hide something in the garbage can that would literally scare the crap right out of the next dog that attempted theft.  Something spring-loaded, so that when that lid was moved…. Although, I think I would be the first to get it right in the keester.  I would forget and open it. I know I would.  Got to put the mind in gear to come up with something to deter them.  I will market it with my crapapult and make millions.


I am not sure there is one woman on this planet who enjoys cleaning a toilet.  If there is I would like to meet them.  Yet, to have to clean something so disgusting is far better than not having one at all.  At least during the flu season.

When flu season arrives, toilets are our friends.  About 3 Christmas ago, we found out just how grateful we are for those porcelain pieces of furniture.

We had a family Christmas party at my sisters.   This is once when I can honestly say, those who weren’t there are the luckiest suckers on earth.

The family Christmas party was held just days before Christmas.  We have about 70 plus now in the extended family, but I believe at that time there were probably only 60 something and of those sixty I believe only 35 of us were there.  My husband and kids and I always have a Christmas Eve party.  I planned big, we had Chinese food and all kinds of goodies.  It was great fun until later that night one of my kids complained of not feeling well.

I hoped that it was just something passing so that their Christmas would not be ruined.  By the time we went to bed three children were sick.  We started dropping like flies people. Christmas morning welcomed the entire family having the flu.  The worst Christmas ever.  We barely managed to get packages opened between trips to the bathroom.

Most of us laid and moaned all day.  I began to wonder if some of my cooking had given us all food poisoning, until I started calling around and getting calls from the family.  What we realized is that within a five-day period 26 of the 35 people had the flu.  It nearly took out the entire family.  We then thought that perhaps we ate something at the party that gave us food poisoning.  We could not find a common denominator.  I do believe to this date nothing has made me sicker except for morning sickness.

When  every Christmas rolls around at least one child tells me that they never want to see Chinese food again.  It is not what made everyone sick, but everyone remembers what it is like revisiting that meal over and over again.  I have always been one that hardly ever throws up.  I remember the few times I have it has been with a migraine combined with motion sickness.  Other than that, morning sickness with my first child for 5 months was the only puking I have done.

Up until this Christmas day, I had not thrown up for 15 years.  I broke that record and made up for all those years in 6 days.  None of us could eat for about two weeks.  It was horrible.

I bring this up because I think there should be laws that only person can get the flu at a time in a family.  I don’t know who to talk to about this, but it is unfair for a mother to have to deal with.  I came to this conclusion last night while I was up most of the night with two sons suffering from the flu.  It is going on three days now and neither one of them has slept for the last two nights because of the attachment they have with “John”.

I breathe a sign of relief that we made it past Christmas before this hit, but now I await to see how many of us get it.  Unfortunately when Mom gets sick I still have to be mom.  No quitting for me.  I am keeping my distance and crossing my fingers.

So the next time you mumble under your breath while elbow deep into the toilet, remember what it would be like if you didn’t have one and what you would have to clean up.  Puts everything into perspective, I say.

Cowboys and Indians

Anyone that knows my husband, knows that he is the quiet type.  He usually doesn’t have a lot to say.  When it comes to music though, he is a genius at trivia.  No kidding, he is amazing what he knows about bands, albums…etc.

He also has a very funny sense of humor. This is one of the things that attracted me to him. You probably wouldn’t think so because he is so quiet, but there are times when he will blind side with something that is terribly funny.

So I had a “wild hair” and redecorated our kitchen as a retro diner theme.  It still is a work in progress, but we got rid of our old table and bought a retro metal table with retro chairs.  It looks really cool, but there is a problem.  With our old table, we could push all of the chairs in and keep the dogs from jumping up on them and getting on the table.  We can’t do that with this new table.  The chairs are out just enough for them to squeeze the larger than normal carcasses on to and then up on the table.  Well at least one of them does, the other one is a little large and struggles.  Thank goodness.

This is the part of the story where my husband’s sense of humor kicks in.  Yesterday, after lunch I had laid on the couch for a 15 minute power nap.  My husband was in the recliner talking to me.  I could hear the “problem dog” in the kitchen and it sounded like she was on the table.  I asked me husband if he could see where Lola was.  His response….”She’s circling the wagons”.  Any pug owner would know what I was talking about when I say, this paints a very funny picture.  That was pretty much what she was doing.  Circling the table trying to find a weak spot to make her attack on.

I just about died laughing.    I love my husband for his quick wit and quiet manner.  He is a character!  Thanks for making me laugh hubby!

Where Does It Go?

I have two sons that could eat anyone out of house and home.  When either one of them turn sideways they disappear.  One of them is 6′ 2″ by 6.2″ the other one is 5′ 6″ by 5.6″. So I am not sure where it all goes.  I think I lost my good metabolism on them when I gave birth to them.  Probably like most boys they are ready to eat again not even after 1 hour has passed after a meal.

Unfortunately I am at that state in my life that I am so over cooking for the “masses”.  I would rather graze than dirty a dish.  Take this morning for instance.  I tried to make apple pie turnovers…..  After the first turnover, or whatever it looked like, I decided to do a pie instead.  Hoping it would be more successful.  I spilled apple chunks all over the floor, cornstarch down the front of me.  The container that had my cinnamon and sugar mix had a hole that  it went all over the floor.  I spilled flour on the floor and when I tried to put the crust on the top of the pie, It looked like the worst plastic surgery nightmare ever.  I threw the pie and the one turnover and some pie crust cookies in the oven and proceeded to clean up my mess.

I managed to burn the pie crust cookies and my apple pie blew a hole in it that leaked down in the bottom of the stove causing plumes of smoke to infiltrate all parts of the house.  I have had enough of cooking!

After doing some waste of time housework, I decided to work on some homework.  I was about as frustrated with that as I was with cooking and was about to throw in the towel.  My 14-year-old son comes in and asks what is for lunch.  I really tried to avoid the question because let’s face it, I retired from kitchen work today.  I told him to give me a minute to finish the exercise I was on and I would try to find him something to eat.

Not even 5 minutes had passed and I hear him moaning, “I am starving, must have food”.  Then in his comedic style he starts carrying on the following conversation with himself:

“Maybe I will have to go in the back yard and dig in the holes for mice with Sport (a neighborhood dog that pretty much scrounges up its own food and has for years).  Or maybe I could go eat some weeds.  Oh, or maybe I could go look for the cow leg the neighbor’s dog had the other day.  It might still have some meat on it.  Hopefully I won’t have to go find the dog poo I threw over the fence yesterday.”

At this point I was laughing so hard, I was crying.  I could no longer ignore him.  I finally had to succumb to cooking again.  Wow….he really knows how to manipulate me.

I drew this picture of my handsome sons.  I know I don’t do them justice, but I hit the physique just about right.  Unicycle shirts and all!

Project 7

A recent experience I had has prompted me to ponder about what is important in our lives.  My son and I were in Wal-Mart today and as I stood waiting to be checked out I noticed a couple of displays.  One was called “Save The Earth Gum” Plant Trees.  The other was called “Feed The Hungry”.  They were mints.

From the research I have done, these two products come from the same company.  By purchasing one product, the money goes toward planting trees, by purchasing the other product you would help provide meals for 7  American families.

This caught my attention.  What I noticed at first was that the entire box of “Save The Earth Gum” was gone.  Not one of the “Feed The Hungry” was gone.  This hit me hard.  This hit my 14-year-old son hard.  I usually have a hard time donating to things like this to begin with, because you are not entirely sure that the money goes where it is supposed to.  The charities that I donate to give 100% of my donation to where I want it to go.  That is why I contribute to them.  Although in this case, I did buy a “Feed The Hungry” mint.  They were actually cheaper than the gum.

I felt a prick at my heart as I sat there looking at the two displays.  I began to wonder what is important to people in America.  As my son and I left the store, we made an effort to look at every display of both products on every aisle.  Not one of the “Feed The Hungry” trays were empty.  In fact, it didn’t look like any of them had been bought at all.  The “Save The Earth Gum” however was gone out of most of the aisle except for one.  That aisle  had a few left in it. I have  never seen that aisle actually open so that could account for the tray being full.

I thought to myself, “How many of the people buying the “Save The Earth Gum” have ever had a starving child”.  How many of them have ever sent their kids to bed at night with tears streaming because they are hungry or they themselves were hungry?  How many of them even have children to understand the pains this causes a parent?

Have we become so “Save the Earth” friendly that we have forgotten about the very people who will be taking care of the earth in the future?  We are so bent on saving the earth that we forget who or what we are saving it for?  Are we not saving it for future generations to enjoy as we have?  What if future generations don’t live to see it?  Do we save the earth so that someday it can sit in orbit uninhabited just there with no one to enjoy the beauty in it?

We have become too callous in our lives.  How often do we look outside of our blessings and see that not everyone has what we have.  Not everyone in our nation of prosperity, freedom, and comfort has food to eat.  It is a sad fact people.  Far too many American’s are going to bed hungry.   I might be wrong, but don’t trees reproduce on their own?  I know I will have trees pop up all over the place.  Some in places that I don’t want them and some where I do.  Our starving children and  neighbors won’t appear again somewhere else in the neighborhood, or in a different spot in our yard.  When they die, they are gone. Life is so tangible.  No, we may not know these people but they are someone’s son, daughter, grandchild, mother, father, sister, brother or grandparent.  If we cannot feel for them then there is no hope for us.

The ugly pride and lack of compassion we have towards others in this country is growing and is quite truthfully sickening.  Too many people think that the way they are important or are influential in this country  is how much money they have or what brand of clothing they wear and how much they paid for it.  Clothing isn’t the only thing on the list of things we measure our worth against.  How about big homes, nice cars, the newest and best techno gadgets that come out etc. Yet, how many are truly grateful for what they have.  Does that $200 pair of shoes make you a better person because you are wearing them?  No, I think what makes a better person is our ability to see a need and do what we can to help no matter our station or financial ability in life is.

My daughter works for a company that is designed completely around charity.  It is a thrift store that people donate used items to that go back up for resale at lower prices for people who don’t have a lot of money to afford.  They also ship a lot of goods to other countries whose people are in need.  She related a story to me that gave me a whole different perspective on what I thought was important.  Sometimes when things are donated at this store, there will be a missing shoe to a pair.  When these items are taken to other countries, these people don’t care if the shoes don’t match.  They are so grateful to have shoes to wear that a matching pair is not important to them.  They don’t care if plaids should never be worn with stripes.  Or perhaps that a certain color should never be worn in a particular season.

We should all ask ourselves this question each day, “What have I done to make this world better today?”  “Have I helped someone who needed me today?”   I ask…how do you want to be measured in life?  I pray that I am measured by the good I do.  Even when I can’t help, but have that desire I hope that God will look on my heart and know that if I could I would.