Tag Archive: Halloween

So the saying “Jumpier than a one-legged man in a butt kicken contest” could not describe me more.  I don’t like being scared.  Nothing is worse than watching a scary movie and having someone scare you just before you are “supposed” to get scared or having someone come up behind you unexpectedly.  I had an incident that happened to me a few years ago that almost ruined my life as I know it.

I used to walk religiously at 6:00 a.m. everyday, 6 days a week.  Never missed.  With this came the ability to recognize cars and know when they pass.  Most of them would pass me at the same time of morning.  One particular morning I was walking and I came upon this really sharp corner.  I heard this truck coming and I knew how this particular driver drove.  I decided to cross the street rather than run the risk of this kid hitting me on the inside corner.

As I crossed the road and turned the corner, there sat a car that was not supposed to be there.  I immediately recognized it as a car that should have been passing me about 30 minutes later from this time.  I didn’t realize that someone was in the car until I walked by.  Thanks to the crazy kid driver in the truck, I was not forced to walk directly by the car, I was  on the other side of the road.  When I realized someone was in the car and it was parked behind some piles of dirt, things started feeling weird to me.  All the hairs on my neck started standing up and I knew that something was not right with the situation.  I immediately pulled out my cell phone and called me sister who lived across the street from me.  My husband was at work and I needed someone quick.  While not letting this guy know I suspected anything, I kept walking in the same direction.  He pulled out and turned the corner only to turn around and come back up the street behind me.

I held my breath and walked as fast as I could, all the time waiting for my brother-in-law to show up.  The car drove by me slowly and as soon as it was a hundred feet or so in front of me, I turned and hauled butt so fast that I nearly sat the road on fire.  My brother-in-law was just up the street and got me just seconds from the time I turned around.

I learned from this experience to never be predictable in some situations.  I also have become extremely jumpy and I blame a lot of it on this situation and also from a lot of break-ins or attempted break-ins to the homes I lived in as a kid.  I have many weapons by my bed and my husband is scared to come into the house unannounced.

Well, tonight he unexpectedly got me real good.  I think he knows when he can scare me and not have the carp beat out of him as opposed to, “I know better than to do it to her now”.

We were going to go look at a couch a lady was selling and my son was riding with me, while my husband was riding with our neighbor.  We were at our the house just getting ready to leave when my sons says, “Mom, did you check the car to make sure no one was in it?”  I told him no, that dad had just been in the Durango and I knew no one was in there.  “Still”, he said, we should check.  This was more for his benefit I think.  He turned on the inside light while we sat in the seats and looked behind and then turned off the light.  All the while telling me that I should check things like that. While we were thus having this conversation, unbeknownst to me, my husband had walked up to the truck and knocked on my window.  It was dark outside and I could barely see him.

Can I just say that I absolutely needed a new pair of pants.  I nearly jumped into my son’s lap.  My husband was lucky I wasn’t packing any “heat”.  We were a couple of miles up the road before my heart stopped pounding.

This little side effect I have has been a joke in the family.  A couple of Halloween’s ago, I was at my sister’s house and we had just got done doing the whole trick-or-treating thing.  We walked out the door to leave and me being completely stupid did not notice when my husband opened the door that my nieces husband was hiding in the back seat with a mask on.  I was laughing and joking with the family and jumped in the car.  No one else got in.  I wondered for a split second what was taking them so long.  I looked out my window and then turned to look at the driver side door to see where my husband was, when I came face to face with “The Mask”.  I screamed a blood curdling scream, leapt out of the car nearly slamming the nephew in the door.  This nearly killed me.  I cannot begin to tell you had long after this incident I shook.  The closest thing to a near death experience he and I may ever experience.

Try as I might, I cannot overcome this problem.  I just get more weapons to add to my arsenal.  I really don’t think this is helping the situation.  A jumpy woman with loads of weapons is an accident waiting to happen.  Perhaps someday I will be the one getting the last laugh.  Perhaps…..


Ultimate Alliance

When the world’s evil combined against them, they united to form the most powerful team in the universe. There was Batman, who brought his money and his toys. Spiderman, who, though he had let himself go over the years, could spin one heck of a web. Bat Girl, brave enough to wear spandex at her age. Captain America, who brought his military prowess. Word Girl, whose vocabulary and quick wit could get anyone out of a sticky situation. And Robin, who started working out every day for six years. Together, they formed…The Defenders of Justice and Awesomeness!” – Arianna Rees (by the way, the spandex cut was uncalled for)

Well the Rees family favorite time of the year has arrived.  We seriously start planning what our costumes will be for the next year, the day after Halloween.  Our tradition of family themes started about 12 years ago.  Not sure how it happened or what, but it has been something that my kids will always  remember and hopefully cherish.  Not only that, in Halloween tradition we pick a store to go shopping at at the end of the day, yes…in full costume.  That tradition started the year we were all dressed up as Star War characters and I needed milk.  We were right by the store and my husband asked if I needed anything while we were in town.  At first, I was too embarrassed to go in, then I thought….no one will know who I am anyway and besides I wasn’t going to waste gas.  We all went into the store and got a standing ovation by the employees.  This just fueled the flames more.  We have already been invited to a store this year.

So in the LDS church we have what we call Family Home Evening.  It is where once a week we gather as a family and learn about Christ and then we have activities, treats etc.  Usually the kids are assigned different aspects of the evening whether that be teaching the lesson, making the treat, deciding the activity, etc.  Last night along with the activity we decided in the spirit of Halloween to tell scary stories.

I pulled out a couple of Edgar Allen Poe’s classics and then a few ghost stories that I heard as a kid.  One son decided it was not for him and put on headphones.  According to my children, the stories were predictable.  Of course they had heard the Tale Tell Heart.  Anyway, no one really acted like it spooked them.  I wasn’t even rattled or so I thought.  Grossed out maybe, but not scared.

We decided to play Uno and my daughter had the cards in her car.  It was dark and I had to go out to get them.  As I stepped out into the dark, clear night I turned to see a white moving object off to the right that was not part of my yard.  I jumped about 3 feet and screamed only to realize it was the neighbor’s dog.  Of course, my son happened to be standing at the door and eyewitnessed the little event.  So much for keeping that one quiet.  That one will be laughed at for about 1 week.

I was more creeped out than what I thought.  It is amazing how fast the adrenaline can pump through ones veins when fear is present.  Had that dog been any closer, it would have probably been suffering from a roundhouse kick to the knees and an upper cut to the jaw.  I don’t do scary.  I do not like being scared and when I am the whole body becomes a weapon.  That is a fact.  If I have anything within reaching distance, it too becomes a weapon. My husband works weird schedules and even he is afraid to come into the house unexpected during the night.  He is afraid of what I might do to him.  As a child I was scarred by people trying to break into our house many times and it has messed me up.  We moved around a lot  and I know of ten times someone tried to break into our house.  Some of those houses had repeat offences.  Then people wonder why I am the way I am.  Sheesh.

Anyway, here is the rest of the gang in all their glory.  From our “Ultimate Alliance” to yours.  Have a great Halloween and don’t do anything illegal.

Have you ever gone to bed at night and said or thought to yourself..”This has been the weirdest day ever?”  Tonight I will think that of the past three days.  Something is going on and no matter how I try, I just can’t explain it.

I know I am klutzy and probably a little scatterbrained at times, but even for me I have done some pretty stupid things in the last three days.  Combine that with the weird and things just get more complicated.

Take for instance two mornings ago.  I made pancakes for breakfast before the kids started out  for school.  I left one cooking on the pan while I got the rest on the table and the kids eating.  We conversed through breakfast and got up, cleaned off our plates and I started helping kids get ready.  I happened to walk through the kitchen as I noticed smoke all over.  I had left the pancake cooking and it was a shade of black I have never seen before.  I am surprised I did not burn down the house.  Who does this???  Where is my mind?

I lost my iPod case in my car.  I tore the car apart trying to find it, without luck.  I got into the car to go pick up my son from school. I went in to the school, came out and sitting on the driver’s seat of the car is my iPod case.  As if it had dropped from heaven when I got up.  That was really weird.

Then yesterday, I walked out the front door only to find a pack of dogs laying in my yard.  Dogs that do not belong to me.  What????  I found garbage strewed all over my yard a couple of days ago that baffled me.  It probably came from the “pack” I have acquired.  Then I got a knock on the door  from a  guy asking me if I knew some lady.  He said that she used to live in the house I am living in now or the one that is next door to us.  Now I found this extremely odd because the house I live in now, my husband and I are the only ones that have ever lived in it.  We have lived here for 12 years.  The other house we used to live in and it belonged to my father-in-law.  No one by that name has lived in it for at least 40 years that I know of.  To make this weirder…this is the second time the guy has shown up asking the same question.  Now..do I have Alzheimer’s or does he?

To add to the weirdness, I have seemed to attract a man at school that is a good 20+ years older than me and he is a little short of a picnic basket.  He has become extremely  interested in me in the last few days and I am unsure of how to handle this one.  This will have to play out more for me to figure out what is going on there.  Just weird.

Then this morning, my dogs were acting so strange.  First of all my “daughter’s” pug, which doesn’t ever want anything to do with her, is constantly by my side.  Drives me nuts.  The minute I get out of bed in the morning she is following me around the house constantly.  She never made an appearance until after breakfast.  Now if anyone knows pugs, they are all about getting food where they can.  They hear the words, “Let’s Eat” and they think they are hearing their name.  Even my kids thought it strange that she was a no-show.  Then just before I left for school, I lost the other pug and found her curled up in a ball in the bathroom cabinet.  ????  What???  She didn’t want to come out.   I am still dumbfounded by that one. When I finally got her out, I turned and ran into the bathroom cupboard, thus impaling my gut with the corner and hitting my head on the one above that my daughter had left open earlier.    I thought for sure that the “big one” would hit today because of how weird things were going and how weird the dogs were acting.

To continue the saga, when I came home from school, I was eating some mashed potatoes and got up to walk somewhere and didn’t see the “speed bump” (a pug) laying in front of me.  I tripped sending mashed potatoes flying all over the kitchen floor.  If it weren’t for the kitchen cabinet, I would have joined the potatoes.  The more I think about this one its falls more under the category of “set-up” rather than “weird” because the “10 second rule” didn’t even come in to play for the speed bump.  She was all over it within 2 seconds.  No joke.  How can a dog that nearly got it’s brains kicked out still rebound up and get to food within 2 seconds.  I don’t know.  Baffles the mind.

I have found flies and spiders in various food items.  I have spilled just about everything I have put my hands on….I can’t stop making messes or getting into messes.  SOMETHING IS GOING ON PEOPLE!

Oh, I know…….it must be Halloween!  Full moon messes everything up right?  If only……

Meet My Mother

Have you ever had all the stars and planets align up just right for the perfect payback?  Well it is coming my direction and the payback will be Friday!  If I could count the many ways my children have embarrassed me…..I don’t think I can count that high.  Or even the times other kids have embarrassed their parents.  Like the time my nephew took off through Kmart wearing a lady’s brassiere.  Glad that wasn’t my kid.  Or how about the time that my son got up to the drive-up window at the bank and asked for farties because he couldn’t pronounce smarties.  Oh, that was a good one.  I think of that one every time I go to the bank.

Then there was the time that one of my dear, sweet darlings left a Wal-Mart smiley face sticker on the driver’s seat of the car and I unknowingly sat on it and then walked all around town with said smiley face stuck to my butt.  Have you ever had one of those moments when you become aware of everything at once.  In my mind I retraced every footstep I made with that thing stuck to me.

An acquiantance’s daughter waited until an insurance salesman came and decided to bring in her potty training seat and proceeded to poo in front of the guy.  I think he should have gotten the hint that he needed to leave at that point.  That would be a good salesman deterrent.

Then there was my husband who at age 3 went for a ride on his bike and decided to crawl through a fence, ripping of his britches.  The neighbor brought him home in one hand and his drawers in the other.  Made my mother-in-law want to move to another town nearly.

I am sure every mother has similar stories.  This week-end is serious paybacks.  Our community is having a Halloween party.  My husband, kids and I  go all out for Halloween.  This year….Superheroes!  Well my daughter informs me she has a date on Friday.  (Inner smile)

I am setting up for the party at 5:30.  It starts at 6:30.  Her date is supposed to be by at 6:00.  (Insert another evil grin) Because of the time constraint, I will have to set up in my costume.  It is a policy of my husband and I to meet my children’s dates whenever possible.  This time is no exception.

When I started explaining to my daughter that I had to help set up at 5:30, but I would run back home at 6:00 to meet the date…..she got real quiet and then I heard a low throttling moan.  She realized that Batgirl would be greeting her date that evening and I will be arranging for Batman to  be close behind.

She was still moaning this morning every time she heard me doing the evil giggle I so enjoy doing when I am about to do something that is somewhat gratifying in an evil way.  I LOVE IT!!!!  Heee heee heee!

It is unavoidable.  I apologized to her, but not very sincerely.  I am thinking the whole gang needs to meet the date;  Batman, Robin, Batgirl, Spiderman and Captain America.  Perhaps he might think to himself that if he tries anything with her, that he has a household of complete loons that will come after him.  Works for me!  I guess this will prove how interested he really is in her right??

This cannot be any weirder than the fly I found floating in my oatmeal this morning…..still not sure how that happened.  I know that was random, but it still haunts my memory.  Haven’t been able to eat anything all day because of it.  Yuck!

Revenge on Pop!

So yesterday, after medicating myself, I decided to break it to my husband what his Halloween costume was going to be this year.  It involves wearing tights with a built-in speedo and a mask, hence…the medication.  I made him promise me that he would wear it before I told  him what it was.  So I have his word.   The look he gave me was indescribable.  I asked him to model for us.  He declined and so I put  it on my son.  It has major muscles built into it.  My husband looked at it like, “I can’t believe I just promised to wear this”.

Well later in the evening, I happened upon the kids urging him to try it on.  He got  the costume on and I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard.  Well, I heard one of my kids dare him to run to the mailbox and back.  This is about 150 feet from the front door.  I yelled from the kitchen that I Double Dog Dared him.

As I walked back into the front room, he was walking out the door.  I couldn’t  believe he was going to do it.  Just as he got out the front door, my daughter locked him out.  I looked out the window to see the neighbors pulling out of their driveway.  My husband started to panic as he realized the door was locked.  He was yelling to let  him in as all of us was laughing our heads off.  Finally I told my daughter she better let him in.  The minute she unlocked the door, she took off faster than a cat caught in the garbage.

My poor husband.  I think  had he known our lives would have come to this later on down the road he might not have married me.  I think I am too much to handle at times.  The thing that baffles me is this…..he should have known that the minute he walked out the door, that our children would have pulled something on him.  There is no way I would have walked out that door.  I can’t trust them.  It did not surprise me at all that my daughter did that.  They are too much like me in that aspect.

So, Halloween…look out, here we come.  By the way, does anyone have a convertible Cadillac with fins?  I need to borrow one.

Every holiday is great because it is a holiday.  Besides Christmas and 4th of July, Halloween is the best!  What is better than being able to act like an idiot, or act like a fool and get away with it.  I love it when you are driving down the street and see Santa Clause driving in the car next to you.

When my kids were younger, we dressed up with them to take them trick-or-treating.  This took some real coaxing with my husband at first.  The first costume I had him wear was an old lady dress, etc.  When he walked out of the room, he looked so much like his mother (may she rest in peace) that it nearly creeped me out.  Something happened, I don’t know how or when but it has become tradition to dress up in as a family and we usually have some theme or another.  Like one year we picked up some walkers at a local thrift store and we borrowed my sister’s mother-in-law’s wheelchair and oxygen tank.  She didn’t need them, or we wouldn’t have borrowed them.  Then we dressed the boys up like old ladies and the girls up as old men.  Then one of my daughters dressed up as Dr. Kavorkian.  It was kind of demented but funny at the same time.

Or there was one of our favorites when I borrowed an old van of my dad’s and painted it to look like the mystery machine and we all went as Scooby Doo and the gang.  We had people stop by the house wanting to have their pictures taken with it. 

Then one year we went as Fat Albert and the gang, another year as Napoleon Dynamite characters.  We even dressed our pug up as a tator tot to go with the overall theme.  We have gone as the Beverly Hillbillies, Rock Stars, Star War Characters, Historical characters, Nerds, ZZ Top, Hippies….the list goes on.  We usually keep it a secret until just before Halloween.  This year we have already started gathering costumes for our big debut.  It is going to be great! 

I will add some pics of our other costumes throughout the years.  It seems like we have to outdo ourselves each year.  It is so much fun and it is one family tradition that I think I will never grow out of.  I can’t wait for this year!