Tag Archive: Marriage

Raising Happy Kids.


I don’t know about you, but I am getting a little tired of this whole dirty politician/celebrity scene.  Every time I turn on the TV, I hear about one person  or another cheating on their wives/husbands, etc., etc.  So I decided that I am going to start giving my two bits on how to have a happy marriage and a happy life.  Something that is achievable even when you have trials and difficulties.

Mormons believe that when you are married, it is for eternity not just for life.  This puts a whole new perspective on living with someone.  Marriage is serious to us.  It is one of the most important things we try to attain in this life and not just attain it, but be happy while we are there.  This takes a lot of sacrifice on both parts, but it is well worth it.  When I started looking at dates as potential spouses, I learned a lot about what I could live with and what I wouldn’t put up with.  I based my decisions on getting to know that person as a friend, not just jumping into bed with them right off the bat.  You can’t tell anything from a person like that.  People can be complicated and you need to get to know them very well before sharing that part of you with them.

My husband and I have been married for almost 21 years.  They have been 21 very happy years and there has not been one time that I have questioned my choice to marry him.  He is a wonderful man and we work together in a partnership to make things work.  Is it perfect?  Heck no, but we get through the tough times because we are both working towards the same goals.

I am not qualified as a therapist or anything else, but I have seen the problems with other marriages and have seen where people have gone wrong.  To start things off, many years ago I was sitting in a Sunday school lesson and heard the teacher tell me that this particular individual who they were talking about had never fought with his wife.  In my teen mind I was thinking, holy cow..NEVER?  I have hated fighting since I could remember and so I made up my  mind at that young age, that I would never fight with my husband when I got married.  I have kept that goal and intend to keep on keeping that goal.  Nothing was every solved when people  were screaming and yelling at each other.  This is one of my rules, but I want to start with another one.  From that time, I started thinking about what I wanted my marriage to be like and what I needed to do to achieve that goal.  Some of my ideas may seem radical to oh, about 90% of the world, but they come right down to just plain common sense.  Something that a lot of people are missing these days.  So here it goes!

Rule #1: Do nott sleep around or live with someone to see if you are compatible with that individual before you are married. I know, I am probably being scoffed at and laughed at and perhaps thought of as “old-fashioned”.  When you consider the divorce rates now-a-days perhaps “old-fashioned” is something we should go back to. 

Neither I nor my husband had been intimate nor lived with anyone else before marriage.  We weren’t intimate until after marriage.  There is something refreshing in this idea.  I never once had to question whether my husband had picked up some disease I didn’t know about.  I never felt like I was being “compared” to another woman.  He and I were exclusively each others.  Do you know how that makes me feel, to think that my husband saved that part of him for me?  He saved it for the person he wanted to marry and spend forever with.  Our relationship did not begin with how compatible we were in this area.  Our relationship was built on love and trust first.  I knew he was faithful to me already because he had not been with another woman in that way.   We didn’t need to live with each other because we dated long enough to know the important things about each other.  How we looked in the morning was really irrelevant.  Pretty much everyone looks like carp in the morning.  Even if you find yourself in this situation, you can stop now.  Start over.  Like starting a new life over again.  Save that part of yourself for that special person.  We live in a society that is based on self-gratification and selfishness.  We want it and want it now.  Think about how great it was the first time you saved up for something you wanted really bad and when you purchased that item, the happiness and satisfaction you felt from that was indescribable.  Then you protect that item from anything that would or could destroy it because you knew what you went through to get it.  Compare that to wanting to save up for something you want bad, but never getting it because you keep spending the money on other things.  Then you are frustrated because you can never have the money to buy that item.  It is like that with intimacy.  Waiting until you are married is so much like saving up for something wonderful and when you are finally able to have it you cherish it forever because of the sacrifices you made along the way.  It is so worth the wait.  I would never do it any differently.

It was the same with my grandparents and parents.  My father and mother saved themselves for each other.  My father loved my mother so much.  She was killed in a car accident about 14 years ago.  They had been married for 42 years.  One of the first things that I remember my father saying after my mother died was, “I will never get remarried so don’t even ask.  I will not be unfaithful to your mother”.  What an example he is to me.  Even though he could remarry, he loved my mother so much that he felt he would be unfaithful to her by doing so.  I know that if my father would have died first that my mother would have felt the same way.  She would have never remarried.  I am not sure what I would do in the same situation.  I don’t picture myself remarrying because I can’t  picture myself with anyone other than my dear, sweet husband.  I am not saying remarrying is bad, some people just have no desire once they have loved and loved that person with all their heart. 

Relationships should never start by cheap one-night-stands or repeated ones for that matter.  That isn’t love and no relationship can stand alone on just sexual intimacy.  Lift yourself to a higher standard and treat your body with respect.  Treat your future spouse with that kind of respect.  When one respects themselves they automatically will respect others.  Make your home a place where relationships are nourished and cherished.  You deserve that, you spouse deserves that and future children deserve that.