Tag Archive: nylons


Laundry Nightmares

When my husband and I first got married, we had no washer and dryer.  Some days I would get off  work and pick him up at his parents house where he had been doing laundry all day.  I have to give him huge props for this because…..his mother didn’t have a conventional washer.   You guessed it, she had one of those old ringer washers.  I couldn’t believe it when my husband told me he had been doing laundry all day on one of those.  We then would take the laundry to a laundromat and dry them.  Became a huge pain in the wazoo.

We finally were able to purchase us a used washer and dryer.  Modern conveniences are highly under appreciated.

If you are like me, it seems like with every child that came along I had more and more laundry to do and got behind more and more.  Hikers don’t need to spend money on airline tickets to Nepal and months of physical preparedness to hike Everest.  They can just come to my house and climb it.  It is always there, lurking…waiting….and daring someone to attack it.

Many times I have come home to find that my husband has decided to help me out and do the laundry.  I have learned not to complain about the way he folds things if he is willing to help.  My mother was a stickler for the way towels should be folded and put in the closet.  I used to secretly unfold the towels and refold them after my husband did so that it wouldn’t drive me nuts.  I don’t do that anymore.  I will take the help where I can get it.

As much as I love his help with this task, there are some serious fallouts from it.  I am not sure if my husband understands the concept of “sort”.  I have found delicates that look…..I can’t even describe how they look.  A couple of winters ago, I bought my daughters some really cute beanies with braids.  When folding the laundry one day, I pulled one of them out and well……it was very apparent that the hat was made of wool.  It should have never been put in the dryer.  It now fits our pug Lola.  Doesn’t she look beautiful?

Another good example of how the “non-sort” and “everything goes in the dryer” thinking can be disastrous:  At the time, I was a teacher in my LDS ward.  It was my Sunday to teach and I pulled out a pair nylons to wear.  All was good until I got to church and sat down.  I immediately realized that there was a huge problem with the nylons.  My dear husband, bless his heart, had washed and dried my nylons.  When I went to the bathroom to see what was going on with them, I could see that first: The nylons looked like a cat had used them for a scratching post.  Second: the waistband was all stretched to heck.  I stood there thinking, “What the heck?”  when I realized that my husband must had sent them through the wash.

As I went through my lesson, which thank goodness was in front of only ladies, the more terrible the situation became.  Everytime I raised my arm to write on the chalk board, the nylons would fall down.  It got to where I had to hold on to them everytime I lifted an arm to keep them from dropping clear to the floor.

By the time I left church and arrived at the back door of my house, my nylons were to my knees.  By the time I got to my room….they were around my ankles.  I didn’t have the heart to explain the situation to my husband.

Flash forward to yesterday.  He was home from work and I had school.  When I came home, I was cleaning up the front room and turned to see him carrying a load of laundry to the bedroom to be folded.  In it…..some of my delicates that were mixed up with jeans, etc.  Not sure what I am going to find, but when I pray at night, I thank my Father in Heaven for a husband who does  laundry.  This is what helps me look past his “non-sorting” ways.  I will just have to put the delicates in the witness protection program to save their lives.

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The Loathing of Pantyhose

Go figure it was a guy that invented pantyhose.  Have you ever wondered what he was thinking that made him take that course in his life?  Was his wife’s legs so white that he could use them for a beacon at night?  Or did he honestly think he was doing women a favor be inventing them?

Supposedly they were initially invented to keep women from  having to wear many layers to keep their figure looking however the world figured it should look.  I will admit that in the past I have been an abuser of the everyday pantyhose.  Since turning 40, I have decided that I don’t care anymore.  Comfort is the key. 

My husband, bless his heart, decided  to help me  with the laundry one day and washed my nylons unbeknownst to me.  I put them on one Sunday to go to church. I was teaching a lesson that day and as I reached up to write on the chalkboard, the pantyhose came down.  They had been stretched out terribly in the wash.  I spent the rest of the lesson holding them up.  That was the day that changed my attitude toward nylons in general.

For decades women have done things they wouldn’t normally do all in the name of beauty. 

My mother told a story of a relative, I won’t name, who when was younger felt that her hips were not a desirable shape.  So to fix this problem, she took two pairs of her father’s socks and stuck them in her pants to make her hips look more shapely.  She  then proceeded to go dancing.  Well I think we know where this is going.  She did lose her “hips” while on the dance floor. 

Another story told was of another relative  who went out to eat with her husband and friends.  Dancing was involved and she was having problems with her slip.  While sitting at the dinner table, she wiggled out of the slip and kicked it under the table so it wouldn’t be seen.  Her husband eventually ended up seeing it and spent the rest of the evening reprimanding the “hussy” who had taken off their petticoat and left it on the restaurant floor.  This person never did admit to her husband that she was indeed that “hussy”.

I had a similar experience  last night.  Despite my hate for nylons at this time in my life.  I decided to wear some to a meeting.  Normally I would  have chosen to skip  them, but I have a huge bruise that is very visible that I was trying to hide.  By the time I got from the car and sat down at the meeting, I knew I was in trouble.  The waistband of the nylons were sitting at the top of my thighs.  If I were to stand to go to the restroom, they would have  dropped to the knees being visible to all.  I turned to my husband for support.  (pardon the pun)  He covered me while I slipped out of the nylons as indiscriminately as  possible.  I succeeded without being seen.  I think.  I was half tempted to prank my husband and stick them in the back of his pants as we left the meeting for paybacks for washing a pair of mine. You know how people  come out of the bathroom with toilet tissue on the shoes  sometimes.  I thought a leg of pantyhose  hanging out of his pants would be funny.  I did not do that despite the urge.  I patted myself on the back for that one.

Many a woman have lost all respect from wardrobe malfunctions.  Ladies, why do we do this to ourselves?  Until they make fail proof beauty aids, I am no longer buying into them.  I will stick to the safe basics to keep my self dignity thank you very much.