Tag Archive: Pugs

My Mother, may she rest in peace, had an immaculate home.  Nothing ever out of place.  It was not always like that.  There were seven kids and she had her moments.  I remember a story she told of getting a call that someone was coming over and the house was a mess.  She had to “cram for the examine” so to speak before the company arrived.  She found the closest room to get rid of things and stuffed everything inside.  I guess that the company complimented her on how well she kept the house up with so many little kids.  This particlular incident made my mother into the “Clean House Nazi”.  She taught us kids to be clean, neat and organized.  I used to be, until I had children.

I know there would be days that if she saw my home she would roll over in her grave.  She is probably looking down on me from Heaven telling to pull it together.

I do know that over the years of having kids, I have gained a lot of patience and I tolerate more than perhaps what I should. Case in point:  A couple of months ago, we bought an electric scooter from a thrift store to help save gas.  It is mostly for the kids to get to their friends house, etc.  My son came flying through my kitchen on it the other day, almost running me over.  I just looked at him with that look that says, “Really?”.  He informs me that there aren’t many mother’s who allow their children to drive the scooter through the house.  What I didn’t tell him is that He has taught me more patience than my other children.

Well, this lead to a choice that I made that should have put me in the child category instead of parent category.  I walked through my house and saw the scooter plugged in.  I decided to climb aboard and just sit on it.  Then the thought occured to me that perhaps one of my dogs would love a ride on this thing.

I called one of them and stuck it on the foot rest and gassed it.  I didn’t want her jumping off while I was going.  Well….that was a stupid thought, because she did jump off.  Out of fear of smashing her flat, I swerved and lost control of the scooter, flew down the hall and into my daughter’s bedroom hitting her keyboard and almost knocking it onto the floor.  In the panic of everything, I forgot it had brakes.

I wish I would have been alone when this happened, but my 19 year old daughter was in her room next to the room I went plowing through.  According to her…”All I saw was legs flailing and heard screaming”.  Dang it.  I didn’t want an eyewitness to this at all.  Not even sure what possessed me to try it to begin with.  It goes about 15 mph.  I probably topped off at 17 through the hall judging by how long it took me to stop and how much damage I did.

I won’t even begin to explain why I attempted this.  I don’t even have the answer for that.


Cowboys and Indians

Anyone that knows my husband, knows that he is the quiet type.  He usually doesn’t have a lot to say.  When it comes to music though, he is a genius at trivia.  No kidding, he is amazing what he knows about bands, albums…etc.

He also has a very funny sense of humor. This is one of the things that attracted me to him. You probably wouldn’t think so because he is so quiet, but there are times when he will blind side with something that is terribly funny.

So I had a “wild hair” and redecorated our kitchen as a retro diner theme.  It still is a work in progress, but we got rid of our old table and bought a retro metal table with retro chairs.  It looks really cool, but there is a problem.  With our old table, we could push all of the chairs in and keep the dogs from jumping up on them and getting on the table.  We can’t do that with this new table.  The chairs are out just enough for them to squeeze the larger than normal carcasses on to and then up on the table.  Well at least one of them does, the other one is a little large and struggles.  Thank goodness.

This is the part of the story where my husband’s sense of humor kicks in.  Yesterday, after lunch I had laid on the couch for a 15 minute power nap.  My husband was in the recliner talking to me.  I could hear the “problem dog” in the kitchen and it sounded like she was on the table.  I asked me husband if he could see where Lola was.  His response….”She’s circling the wagons”.  Any pug owner would know what I was talking about when I say, this paints a very funny picture.  That was pretty much what she was doing.  Circling the table trying to find a weak spot to make her attack on.

I just about died laughing.    I love my husband for his quick wit and quiet manner.  He is a character!  Thanks for making me laugh hubby!

Death By Dog

I love Sunday’s.  It is my day of rest.  No worries, no cares…usually.  Yesterday was more stressful than usual. I fed my family, put my husband to bed because he had to go into work and then I kicked back in the recliner for a little nap.  It was short-lived.

When I sit down or lay down within 1 minute I am covered in dogs.  Since it has turned off cold the dogs have decided that I am their own personal electric blanket.  Yesterday I had kicked back less than 30 seconds when they came running.  Aaaaarrrgh!

It doesn’t matter if there is room or not, they try to fit their fat lard bodies into any crevasse they can find.  While laying there, they both looked perfectly comfortable.  Neither one of them cared that I was cramping up in various positions and in body parts because of them.  Someone came into the kitchen and opened the fridge thus enticing one of the lard balls to parkour it off of my lap diving for the fridge before it shut.  When she left the lap position she was in, the other lard ball took her place within 1.2 seconds.  Sprawled out and went to sleep within 0.2 seconds.

When the first dog came back to regain her warm spot on my lap she realized it had been stolen.  If dogs could talk, I am sure a whole string of insults would have come out of her mouth at that moment.  At this point I was in and out of sleep.  Waking slightly every time one of them moved.  She decided to take the only available spot.  Thing is….there was no available spot, she invented one.

Can I just say that dogs are no respecters of body parts.  They don’t care where or what they step on.  As I lay there in a slumber, the dog who lost her spot decided she wanted on the back of the chair.  She stepped on my neck, then my face and then parted my scalp trying to get comfortable on top of the chair.  Not to mention pulling out half of my hair.  At this point I was ready to throw both of them out into the cold just to make a point.  That they don’t own the house, my head, the furniture, the fridge, the bathroom or my bed despite what they think.

She finally made it to the top and settled down and I dozed off again after giving her a “scotch blessing” as my mother would call it.  I am still suffering from what happened next.  The only thing I can think of is that she started falling off of the chair and started kicking to grip with her claws to keep herself on.  In the process I was kicked in the temple about 4 times the hard part of her back knee.  People die from that you know.

I lay there moaning because despite how skinny a pug’s leg is..it has a lot of strength in it.  Twenty four hours later and my temple is still throbbing.

Later on  my son was laying on the floor and got attacked by both of them.  They had one shirt sleeve in one mouth and his shorts in the other.  He was yelling for help in between laughs.  He called for me to rescue them.  When I got in the room, I felt like I was watching a nature show with two grizzlies going at each other.  I threatened to video tape them and make it viral thus starting the beginning of the extinction of pugs entirely because no one would want one after seeing that behavior.  I don’t think the threat was taken seriously in any way, shape or form.

Have you ever gone to bed at night and said or thought to yourself..”This has been the weirdest day ever?”  Tonight I will think that of the past three days.  Something is going on and no matter how I try, I just can’t explain it.

I know I am klutzy and probably a little scatterbrained at times, but even for me I have done some pretty stupid things in the last three days.  Combine that with the weird and things just get more complicated.

Take for instance two mornings ago.  I made pancakes for breakfast before the kids started out  for school.  I left one cooking on the pan while I got the rest on the table and the kids eating.  We conversed through breakfast and got up, cleaned off our plates and I started helping kids get ready.  I happened to walk through the kitchen as I noticed smoke all over.  I had left the pancake cooking and it was a shade of black I have never seen before.  I am surprised I did not burn down the house.  Who does this???  Where is my mind?

I lost my iPod case in my car.  I tore the car apart trying to find it, without luck.  I got into the car to go pick up my son from school. I went in to the school, came out and sitting on the driver’s seat of the car is my iPod case.  As if it had dropped from heaven when I got up.  That was really weird.

Then yesterday, I walked out the front door only to find a pack of dogs laying in my yard.  Dogs that do not belong to me.  What????  I found garbage strewed all over my yard a couple of days ago that baffled me.  It probably came from the “pack” I have acquired.  Then I got a knock on the door  from a  guy asking me if I knew some lady.  He said that she used to live in the house I am living in now or the one that is next door to us.  Now I found this extremely odd because the house I live in now, my husband and I are the only ones that have ever lived in it.  We have lived here for 12 years.  The other house we used to live in and it belonged to my father-in-law.  No one by that name has lived in it for at least 40 years that I know of.  To make this weirder…this is the second time the guy has shown up asking the same question.  Now..do I have Alzheimer’s or does he?

To add to the weirdness, I have seemed to attract a man at school that is a good 20+ years older than me and he is a little short of a picnic basket.  He has become extremely  interested in me in the last few days and I am unsure of how to handle this one.  This will have to play out more for me to figure out what is going on there.  Just weird.

Then this morning, my dogs were acting so strange.  First of all my “daughter’s” pug, which doesn’t ever want anything to do with her, is constantly by my side.  Drives me nuts.  The minute I get out of bed in the morning she is following me around the house constantly.  She never made an appearance until after breakfast.  Now if anyone knows pugs, they are all about getting food where they can.  They hear the words, “Let’s Eat” and they think they are hearing their name.  Even my kids thought it strange that she was a no-show.  Then just before I left for school, I lost the other pug and found her curled up in a ball in the bathroom cabinet.  ????  What???  She didn’t want to come out.   I am still dumbfounded by that one. When I finally got her out, I turned and ran into the bathroom cupboard, thus impaling my gut with the corner and hitting my head on the one above that my daughter had left open earlier.    I thought for sure that the “big one” would hit today because of how weird things were going and how weird the dogs were acting.

To continue the saga, when I came home from school, I was eating some mashed potatoes and got up to walk somewhere and didn’t see the “speed bump” (a pug) laying in front of me.  I tripped sending mashed potatoes flying all over the kitchen floor.  If it weren’t for the kitchen cabinet, I would have joined the potatoes.  The more I think about this one its falls more under the category of “set-up” rather than “weird” because the “10 second rule” didn’t even come in to play for the speed bump.  She was all over it within 2 seconds.  No joke.  How can a dog that nearly got it’s brains kicked out still rebound up and get to food within 2 seconds.  I don’t know.  Baffles the mind.

I have found flies and spiders in various food items.  I have spilled just about everything I have put my hands on….I can’t stop making messes or getting into messes.  SOMETHING IS GOING ON PEOPLE!

Oh, I know…….it must be Halloween!  Full moon messes everything up right?  If only……

When you look up the word communicable you find this definition: Able to be transmitted from one sufferer to another; contagious or infectious.  Let me emphasise the word SUFFERER.

I detest cats.  I will be the first to admit that.  I am sorry to all cat lovers, but I have had a strong dislike for them since the age of three when I tried to pull a wild kitten out from underneath our house and nearly got my eyes scratched out of my cranial cavity.  I had never seen anything so small be so vicious.  That began my lifelong hostility toward the species.

I told my husband this morning, “When I get to the other side, I am going to ask God other than catching mice what real purpose do cats have?”  I am sure he cringed, because he used to be a cat person.  If I had been Pharoah and the first plague Moses sent was cats, he would have wasted no time on me.  I would have given them all airline tickets to fly where ever they wanted just to be rid of the cats.

Cats were a topic of disagreement when my husband and I first got married.  I nearly ended the relationship before we got married when I walked into his home the first time and saw a long-haired, four-legged epidemic walking around.  I nearly gagged.  My mother detested cats as much or more so than I.  Seeing a cat in the house was next to the sin of murder for her.  In her older years, she did soften enough to take my brother’s cat in because my sister-in-law had become allergic.  She just agreed to keep it at the house, not in the house. Which was a switch for “Tom” because he had always been an indoor cat.  This was during a remodeling project and my mother went to bed one night to find that the cat had snuck in and had curled up and went to sleep on her bed.  I can’t even begin to explain the sound that came from her or the sound from the cat when they discovered each other.  Wasn’t pretty.

In LDS wards, the ladies are asked to watch over other ladies in the ward.  We make regular visits to check up on them to make sure they are O.K. and if they need anything.  When I was four years old, my mother was given a lady to visit.  I think my mom was the only woman in the ward that would actually go because this woman had 50 cats. They all lived in her house.  Since I was not in school, I went with my mom.  I remember standing on the sidewalk, putting on the breaks and screaming that I was not going into that house.  I couldn’t stand the smell.  It almost made me barf.  Bless my poor mother’s soul, she was still faithful and checked up on this woman consistently despite that fact that she detested cats more than I.

These two events alone have solidified my dislike for felines in every sense of the word.  I would never hurt one, but I sure as heck don’t want to see them, smell them or touch them.  I am allergic so that helps.

Before I got married I worked with a lady that owned cats.  I am not sure if she even realized the smell that accompnaied her.  Even her breath  smelled like a cat crawled in her mouth and died.  She would come to my desk and use my phone and I would go to pick it up to use afterward and dry heave.  I felt bad for her because everyone mentioned the smell permiating off of her.  I don’t think she even noticed.

A few years ago, on a hot summer’s day I got into my suburban one morning to go somewhere and realized that two cats had been in my vehicle.  One, for the smell and two for the pile of poo laying on the floor.  Carp hit the fan.  For weeks and weeks and weeks that smell lingered, slapping me in the face every time I got in to drive.  We went through every kind of chemical known to mankind to remove that smell.  Nothing got rid of it.  That was the first time I had seriously considered murdering any of God’s creations.

As of late, I have come out to find paw prints on my Durango.  This is unacceptable people.  We live in the country where everyone in the city thinks that everyone in the country needs and wants a cat.  Nay nay people. 

I have taught my pugs to dislike cats.  The only thing that has sunk into their flat heads.  When a cat comes on the TV, they go nuts.  They think they are real. It is really entertaining.

Well…the other night we came home to find this “disease” walking around my house.  I warned my children not to touch, not to look at, not to pick up and not to feed.  Those are the ways that “diseases” stick around and you never get rid of them. 

My daughter, despite my protests wanted to catch it.  She couldn’t leave well enough alone, she had to show the pug the cat.  Well, you would have thought the world was coming to an end.  I didn’t know pugs could make that kind of sound.  Both of them started tearing up the house trying to get out.  When we finally let them out the back door, one of them nearly parted the planks on the deck trying to take off.

When we finally got them back into the house, Lola was still going nuts.  She ran around the house like there was so evil force pushing her to commit suicide.  It was weird.  To prove my point, I was trying to do laundry and she came barreling out into the laundry room all in a tizzy and jumped into the dryer.  I am not sure if she had a brain lapse and thought it was the back door open or what.  She has never done anything like that.  I stood there dumbfounded.  That cat has messed her up big time.

This morning it is still hanging around.  Trying to rub up against me.  Yuck!  It might as well urinate on me. That is so disgusting.  My children, bless their hearts, have such tender feelings for all animals.  I just don’t share the love with cats.  My son wanted to build it a home to keep it out of the rain.  I told him when they were created they had no shelter.  They don’t need one now.  It is just one more step in that cat’s mind of taking over my home.  Not going to happen.  I will not yield! You will have to put me and the dogs in a padded cell or we will hurt someone or something.

Human Homing Device

I would like for you to meet Georgia and Lola.  At first glance, these two innocent looking dogs might make you go, “awwww”.  Please resist the temptation.  Anyone familiar with pugs know that as cute as they are, these dogs can get under your skin like a bad fungus that won’t go away.

We have been proud Pug owners for 5 years.  They are fun, happy, and playful dogs, but these dogs have a terrible dark side.

Georgia, aka “Satan’s Spawn”  (the black one) is a nighttime speed bump.  You can’t see her if you get up for some reason and will she stay in place?  Heck no.  If you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, let me clarify…if I get up in the night to go to the bathroom she is lurking in the dark waiting for this unsuspecting fool to trip over her and fall to my death.  This I know, I have died a few times.  It is as if she thinks perhaps a refrigerator has magically appeared in the bathroom overnight and I cannot possibly wait until morning because I am so excited to go in there and get her a snack.  She refuses to sleep with anyone in the house but me.  If she doesn’t get her way, she whines…and whines…..and whines.  I have a straight jacket by my bed for such occasions.  I am afraid I might hurt someone.

Lola (the tan one) waits until no one is watching and then gets on the kitchen table hoping to find leftover scraps we won’t give her.  I had to force her to sleep with my son because she too, thinks she has to sleep with…you  guessed it ME!  She was doing fine until we moved one son out of the room to his own room.  I guess Lola can’t stand the room without the stench of Ridge lurking in there, because now….she won’t sleep with my son that she has been sleeping with forever.  We put her in bed at night and she scratches at the door, over and over and over again.  Pretty soon, she will have scratched a doggy door in every door in the house.  Because of these two dog’s growing attachment to me, I have become somewhat of a  sleep-deprived human homing device.

Let me explain.  My children no longer need to call me to find me.  I have no hiding places left in the house.  I lay down on the couch and these two dogs lay on me.  I go to the bathroom and these two dogs lay outside of the door and wait for me.  They actually do try to come in if the door isn’t shut all the way. I will see their paws under the door like they seriously think they can reach up and pick the lock.  I go out to the laundry room and “POOF”! they are there at my feet.  Causing me to trip over them because I can’t see them with the pile of laundry I have stacked to the sky.   I took a trip to the south pole and guess who was waiting for me at the airport….no, just kidding that didn’t really happen, but I am sure it would if I did take a trip like that.  I tell the kids, look for the  dogs and you have found me.

I actually think that Georgia is wanted somewhere for a crime.  The ways she stares at you in the dark….makes the hair stand up on yer neck.  Lola has the “Have pity on me, I never get food” look mastered.  This is why pugs have weight issues.  They look at you like they have no friend in the whole world and that you will make their day if you but give them one small morsel to keep them from starving one more day.  It is messed up I tell you.

Pavlov has nothing on me.  If these two dogs are outside and they hear the ding on the microwave go off, they are trying to get into the door in less than five seconds.  If I climb into bed, I can be alone until I turn off the light.  The minute I turn off the light, those dogs are there waiting to be air lifted to the mattress.  That is because both of them are too fat to get up on their own.  When someone comes home, we have trained these dogs to bring the dirtiest sock they can find in the house to us.  Thus giving off a subtle hint of my failure to be master over the wash.  They have the knack of reminding you to put your shoes on the minute you step on one of their chewed up pieces of a soda lid.  I even found Lola up on top of my piano one day playing me a beautiful rendition of Rachmaninov’s piano concerto #2 without ever having one lesson.  It is amazing.

These two dogs also know that when we kneel down as a family to pray, it is time for them to get in the middle of us all and start tearing each other’s limbs off.  I don’t know how we have done it, but we are geniuses.  Pavlov, I hate to break it to you buddy, but you will have to go a long way to beat the likes of us.

We have only put up with their genius IQ’s this long because they look so dang funny in costumes and we are all about costumes!

Dark vs. Light

♥Last night I was discussing with my children the difference between the dark versus the light and why having light is much more comfortable living with than having dark surround us constantly.  It was a lesson on making more great choices rather than making more bad choices.

I am deep into this “object lesson” when my eldest daughter says, “I have a great example of this.  You mean you have to have a Georgia to appreciate a Lola”.  Georgia is our 1 1/2 year old black pug and Lola is our 3 year old tan pug. 

Of course everyone started laughing, which totally ruined the teaching moment, but it was so true.  Georgia is a royal pain in the butt and before we got Georgia, Lola was a complete pain in the butt.  Right now Lola is a saint.  Georgia has more evil days than good days.  Everyone wants Lola to sit on their lap and sleep with them, but not Georgia.  She bites whatever she can get her teeth on, and when it comes to who she shares her precious time with……it is ME!  No one else, but me.   How did I get so lucky?

All I can say to this is….”Go to the light, go to the light”.

FictionistI know many parents out there have heard this, “I promise if you get me a dog I will take care of it”. Well that is how it all started. My teenage daughter asked for a puppy for her sixteenth birthday. We had two dogs already and a third was would be the last nail in my coffin. I went ahead and gave in the pleas and tears. We owned a collie and a tan pug. She wanted a black pug. Now those of you who own pugs should know that, one pug is plenty for any owner to handle.

She promised she would take care of it, etc. During my brain fart, I actually thought this might be true. She was good with dogs and had really been good with the one we already had. Had I been able to forsee into the future, this transaction would have not taken place.

Despite the first initial tries to bond with this dog, its sole purpose from the beginning was to attach itself to me like a life sucking leach. This dog….despite her being cute has certain aspects about her that really drive me nuts. One is her fatal attraction to me and the other is the ability she has to clear the room with one silent-but-deadly fart. With me being a stay-at-home mom, this only strengthened the bond between pet and pet’s not-supposed-to-be owner. Despite the tries from my daughter, this dog will not have anything to do with her.

I feel like I am being stalked in my own home by a black shadow that is always lurking in dark corners. I go to the bathroom for time away and space. I no sooner get there and shut the door when I see a black paw slowing protruding from underneath the door. If the door is not opened immediately, she starts whining. Normal pugs don’t do this. I know, because I have had two normal ones. More than once, I have come out the door and tripped over her extremely large stature. We have hinted to parking her on a corner and attaching a sign to her that says,”Will only obey if I get food”.

This is because she eats everything. If you cut her open, I swear you would find a license plate and perhaps an old boot.

Satan’s spawn does have a name. She is affectionately called Georgia by those that don’t have to spend 24-7 with her. I will not list the many names I have called her. Don’t get me wrong, I am attached to her at this point, but quite honestly she creeps me out at times. I can’t see her in the dark except for her eyes once in awhile and she is always watching me. I leave the room, she follows. I sit down, she is on top of me. I go to bed and she is there whining to get up. Not sure how much longer this drama can go on.